the Meaning of Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKk9rv2hUfA

My Side of the Bed

Have you ever heard it said that everybody's got a "side" of the bed.

I always thought that was a bit of an unusual phenomenon. How is one's side of the bed determined exactly? And what happens if you start sharing a bed with someone who has the same side as you do - who trumps whom?

I never really gave the theory much credence.

So for the past 10 years I slept in a single bed. Which basically means that I didn't have a side of the bed - the whole bed was my side. In fact the twin was a little short, and my feet always hung over the edge as well.

As a result of having a twin for so long, I am not a mover in my sleep. I basically just slip under the covers, fall asleep, no movement, and slip back out in the morning. To make the bed most days, I just sort of smooth out the sheets, because not much has been disturbed.

When I got my own place the one piece of furniture I splurged on was my bed. In fact it remains currently the only piece of furniture I own. And I got a great queen size bed!
I sort of arbitrarily chose the right side of the bed to sleep on. And for the first 3 months my usual patterns and habits of sleep prevailed. Only this time my feet do not hang over the edge of the bed.

So I had this brainstorm last week. I figured that I own the whole bed, and I didn't want the work of having to rotate the mattress. So I decided to simply switch the side that I sleep on every 3 months in order for the bed to wear evenly. And as an added bonus that places the alarm clock on the far side, and might make sure that I actually get up when it goes off, because I can't reach the snooze.

Apparently I DO have a side of the bed. Because I have not had a decent night's sleep since the switch. And I toss and turn continuously. I know because my sheets are this huge tumble in the morning, and making the bed now takes me more that the 15 seconds it used to.

Ok but what made my body decide that the right side was my side of the bed, and now that I'm on the left something is wrong. I had no real side of the bed for 10 years, and now in 3 months my body is fixed?

The stubborn side of me is sort of refusing to simply switch back to the right side. I want to conquer this troubled sleep on the left side thing. But then the rational part of me says, I'll just find myself in the same predicament in 3 months time when I try and switch back.

Ah well, one more thing to add to my interview questions for a potential spouse "What side of the bed do you sleep on?" Cause it looks like the right side has been claimed!

It's Alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so I've been trying to be as frugal as I can, and have sucked-it-up, plugged my nose, put on surgical gloves and have been buying my produce from the Price Chopper, No Frills and Food Basics in my neighbourhood.

So several weeks back, Ok about 6 weeks back, I bought celery (I can't remember from which one) because it was like 47 cents for a stalk.

So as I may have mentioned in previous posts, I have a hard time eating food before it spoils - and I still end up throwing some stuff out. Although I have discovered that some types of produce last a surprisingly long time.

So the celery lasted about 3 weeks, untouched in my crisper in the fridge. Then one day, I get home from work, and I want a snack, and I remember the celery and figure that would make a nice snack.

I take it out of the fridge, peel off a couple of ribs, and place them on the edge of the sink in prep for the washing, and put the rest of celery back in the bag, in order to return it to the fridge.

And out of the corner of my eye, I notice a little something on one of the ribs of celery - looked sort of like a leaf that was starting to expire.
So I figured I could flick it into the garbage with my little finger.

I pull the trash bin out from under the sink, and simultaneously reach in towards the celery with my pinky.
As my pinky makes contact, the object moves. Yup, I said moves!
Upon closer inspection, my "leaf" turned out to be a worm.

yup, a WORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my celery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It had been living in my fridge for 3 whole weeks!

I flipped out.
I grabbed the offending celery, and the other ribs, and flung them into the trash.
I opened the fridge and proceeded to trash every piece of fresh produce in my fridge.
Then I tied-up the trash and removed it immediately to the trash chute and out of my place.

And because I can't remember where I bought it, it has put me off buying produce at all.

So for the past 2 weeks, my fridge has been completely devoid of all fruits and vegetables.

If the next time you see me, I look a little pale and undernourished - It's probably Rickets.

More Travel

Ok work has somehow exploded suddenly - even though things are suppose to slow down for us as we move towards the end of the year.

So I'm starting to get peeved by this business travel business!
I am off to Ottawa this time, and because of an appointment I couldn't cancel, I have to go and come back 2 weeks in a row!!

So I'm out for 2 weeks (minus Fridays and Saturdays) for the last week in November and the First week in December.

That sucks!!

Well at least I'm around for Saturday evenings (I've got partied booked on the Dec. 1st and 8th), I would have been a lot more grumbly if I would have had to miss those!

Ok , that's my rant.

Have a good Wednesday :)

Home Sweet Home

It's Monday morning - and I am exhausted!
Seriously exhausted - dragging my battered body kind of exhausted.

But I feel so ridiculously accomplished, that I'm grinning none the less.

I spent this past week-end, in it's entirety paining my new place. For a small place, it sure did take a lot of work and time. And entire week-end!

And thank the Lord for Hard Core Friends - if ti wasn't for Caty, Bruce, Leah (who worked all week-end long) and Austin, Emma and Rydra (my pinch hitters) - I would be sitting in a room surrounded by open paint cans, high off the crazy fumes and probably crying in frustration and defeat!

And if Leah and Bruce weren't hard core enough (see above) they also put up mirrors, a clock and the picture that Emma got me as a housewarming gift. Dude - these are the friends you take into battle with you :)

So now even though the place remains sans furniture (and will continue to be so for the foreseeable future), I think it may be time to start thinking about a housewarming party.

So stay tuned - an e-vite may be coming your way.

But for now, all I can really think about is just how much I want to go back to sleep - and maybe sleep for about a week!

Somehow Life Speeds Up

I know that I am far behind in my accomplishments leading up to my birthday plan.

Truth be told I had 2 limiting factors:

#1 - access issues - which continue for me at home (silly neighbours all have security enabled routers!)

#2 - I have run out of things to mark as accomplishments.
I don't think it's because I don't have any more - I just can't call anything to mind.

My Birthday passed as a nice day, in the company of many good friends (which was a nice surprise!) for lunch, and a family dinner.

I don't feel very different, maybe age agrees with me?
Or maybe it's just the wisdom I have gleaned having left my twenties ;)

So what I thought would be a slow down of activity and responsibilities has actually become a speed-up.
Too much to do, too little time - seems to be a never ending story!

Access Limited - Sorry

I am in PEI this week on business, and have very limited access to personal email, or even computer resources.

Sorry for messing with my own resolution.

I plan on updating upon my return.

I Have Travelled on Business

I used to think that would be a glamorous thing.
Be a world traveller, flying business class in a smart suit across the world.

So it's not really what I thought it would be.

First nobody except for executives fly business class - and economy I've already done.

Secondly - you only fly where your company has offices - so Ottawa is not particularly exotic.

As a kid I used to always wish that we could eat out more, and not have home food every night. So I am surprised that as an adult, I get sick of having to eat every single meal from a restaurant.

On the bright side, I have gotten to go to PEI - which is somewhere I have never been before.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we magically have to open an office in Hawaii or something :)

I Have Observed Cardiac Surgery in the OR

It was 1996, and this was a co-op position that I won.

So I was originally planning on graduating a semester early and getting a full time job in order to help pay for university.

I was approached by a co-op teacher about a competition that is Ontario wide, where only something like 12 students from across the province planning to go into sciences at university, would get to participate in a Biomaterials co-op placement, and then present a poster about the research done during the placement at the 5th World Biomaterials Congress.

So I agreed to apply for the contest.
I got one of the 12 spots, and I got to work for a company called Corvita Canada.

The office was at U of T downtown in the Dentistry building. I work with PH.D. Chemical Engineers and we were looking at acellularizing the structure or matrix of veins. This would allow us to harvest veins from others, for things like bypass surgery. And if the matrix contained no cells, we wouldn't have to worry about rejection. And then surgery would be easier on by-pass patients because it would be a single point of entry as opposed to two.

So as part of this team, I had 2 jobs.
#1 - I did a study on using SDS as a re-uptake or drug delivery device within the acellularized matrices (I still have my poster from the presentation).
#2 - I observed open heart surgery twice a day, almost every day in order to collect sutcher samples which we could use to identify the average length of a bypass.

It was a really cutting edge job, and it was cool. I had a hard time with how solitary the work is - same exact experiment every day, no one else around.

So when I was offered a permanent job with them - through the summer then part-time after that, I declined (which I am kicking myself for now).

but hey, it's a cool thing I got to do in my life, and before I hit 30 to boot!

I Have Travelled Across Half of the Country Public Speaking

The year was 1997.
It was the beginning of May.
My journey began on a train ride from Toronto to Kingston. First time I took the train (actually, I think the only time I have done so).

In Kingston, I met 2 girls Teresa and Kathy - new to me. And they were my ride to Ottawa.

One week of "Base Camp" training in Ottawa, then we broke into groups of 6 people in each mini-van (6 in total) and we headed off to our respective locations.

I was on the Central Canada team, we covered every town and city between the Alberta border and the Quebec border.

And Challenge '97 was officially begun.

I got to see the Giant Egg in Vegreville, the Big Nickel in Sudbury, the Terry Fox memorial in Thunder Bay, the most memorable Aurora Borealis in Dryden.

I got to have one foot in Saskatechewan and one foot in Alberta in Lloydminster.

I got a 15 minute tour of Wes Edmonton Mall - when we pit stopped in Alberta for about 1 hour.

I kicked my friend Pete out of the bed when he half asleep got in. I was sound asleep, but my radar just knew something was improper.

I got to drive into North Dakota and have my shoes confiscated at the border on the drive back, because there was mud on my shoes. Then I had to do an assembly in a school an hour after that in my stocking feet.

I attended a "social" in Winnipeg - which is basically a party in a Church basement used to raise money for something. In this case it was my friend Andre's band.

Oh yeah, and almost once a day, pretty much every week-day for 6 weeks, I was a part of a presentation team (2 or 3 of us) - talking about Chastity in schools, churches, community centres, etc.

It was not only a blast, but a great opportunity for Public Speaking, which I think is a skill that has served me well since then.

I Have Run 5K

This is a huge accomplishment for me.

I have always wanted to be, but never really been an athletic sort of person.

At recess in Elementary school, I would sit by the doors and read - it was always so stinking cold out for playing.

I dropped gym in high school as soon as I was able to (I think the last gym class I took was grade 9).

I always dreamed about being that 6am jogger, in a cute outfit - all matchy-matchy in a ponytail, and smiling as I conquered the physical world before my regular day started.

Ok so I may have run 5K - a handful of times now - but I have never matched my stereotype.

First off, it's really tiring and hard - I am always the slowest in the pack, red as a beet and completely winded by the time I'm done.

But I did it, which is something, I never truly thought I would be able to do.
I had resigned myself to being an nonathletic person, who just couldn't do it.

What I have discovered is mostly that I'm just an uneducated athlete. I never played sports, never rode a bike, never ice skated, never took swimming lessons as a kid, so I never learned how to do these things. And I am always slightly embarrassed to learn as an adult - when everybody else has already mastered the skill.

I thought that meant I was bad at it, because everybody else could already do it, and knew it.
Turns out I am simply new at it, and can be good at things I never thought would be possible for me - if I just have the patience to learn.

That's a big IF - I hate looking and feeling incompetent, and worry about looking silly.

But joining the running room, and learning to Run, has opened me up a little more - I may just come out to a sporty event - even though I've never played before and don't know the rules, and will feel like I look stupid.

So this is not only an accomplishment, but one that has made subtle yet strong changes in my willingness to engage life.

I have Painted a Picture

It's true.
Usually I draw stick figures and people ask me if it's an abstract design.

In 1998, I flew to Winnipeg to spend a week with my friend Pete and his family. So Pete's Dad is an artist, and one day during my visit, he offered to sit me with me and help me paint a picutre.

So this very kind and very very patient man, sat with me for 3 days. First he helped me to select a picture I wanted to duplicate. Then he patiently worked with me to blend colours, and learn how to use all the different brushes, etc.

So the final result is a painting that looks nothing like the original I was trying to replicate. But still a copmpletely recognizable ocean scape. And I was so excited about this painting that I carried it home on the plane on my lap, to keep it safe.

Once home, I got it custom framed, and it has hung ever since at the base of the stairwell from the second to third floor in my Mom's house.

I don't know if I am ever likely to be able to paint anything else that might be framed and put on a wall somewhere - but I can proudly say, that I have already done so.

I have Read Scripture at a lot of my Friends' Weddings

I think this should count as an accomplishment on several levels:

#1 - I have a lot of friends who cherish my friendship at a level where they wanted to include me in one of the most important days of their lives in a significant way. This to me is a tremendous blessing. I have always hated that I am an only child, and I think that I compensate for that by valuing a large friends network. But what being so included means is that I have been good at being a genuine friend, and not someone who is superficially adding to their acquaintances.

#2 - I am good at public speaking, or rather public recitation to be more exact. At Kevin and Michelle's Wedding, I got to read this cool speech directed to the bride and groom about what Marriage is.

#3 - I have gotten to go to a lot of weddings - and weddings are always fun!
I enjoy dressing up
I enjoy feasting on a gourmet meal
and a wedding is the #1 place that I enjoy dancing, and I really enjoy dancing

So here's to good food, lots of fun, and lots of dancing! And this accomplishment is about getting to celebrate all of these things with people who are special to me.

I Rode an Elephant

Yep!
Emma and I did it together at the EX one year.

The Elephant was from the Oshawa zoo, and he (or she, I can't remember) was a very sweet and gentle beast.

But my word if it wasn't huge!! And a little scary.

It was a lot of fun in the end - I just wish I had my camera to document it.

I have also been on a camel ride (twice, the first time was in Colorado and the second was by the pyramids).

And a couple of stints under my belt of horseback riding.

So I guess that leaves a donkey - then I've exhausted the meant to be ridden beasts.

I Have Stood Up for What I Believe

And on occasion, I have paid dearly for that choice.
For me Junior High was the most peer pressured time. I know the stereo-type is that High School should be the worst, but for me High School was a relief. It was a place, where everybody was mostly the same, and we did not have a lot of labels for people. We still had "loosers", but you had to be pretty weird to get that label, and there were very few of them. Other than that, we all had the freedom to do our own thing.

Junior High was a different story, littered with cliques, and popularity contests - it was a self-esteem nightmare.

And I had several moments where I believe that I did shine, and lots when I didn't.

One time, I had failed a test in History - I think it was. I got something around 42% (which was surprisingly higher than the class average on that test). I thought that the teacher had added incorrectly and given me 10 extra marks. So I went and told him - I remember him saying, "Are you sure you want me to check that? You've done quite poorly already".
And I remember my reply. "I don't want any marks I didn't earn and don't deserve".
I am proud of myself for that moment.

I remember being ridiculed for a lot of things in school, my weight, my Faith, my curly hair, the list goes on.......

And while I didn't always respond with grace or wisdom, the moments when I did, shine for me.

I only hope that as I continue to age and mature (hopefully maturity comes with age), that I will have more and more shining moments.
So that at the end of my life, when I look back, what I will see will be like a glorious night sky littered with more shining starts than I can count.

I Have Completed 2 Degrees

Yes, because I'm a glutton for stress :)

My Bachelor's Degree just might have been the most stressful 4 years of my life. I was so fixated on doing well, and getting into Medical School.
And I was a commuter to bear, so the 1 hour 20 minute commute to the university daily did not help.

My fist week was so bad, that on the Friday, I decided to buy a chocolate from the vending machine to cheer myself up. I bought a pack of M&Ms and the entire time I'm eating them, I'm thinking - gee, these taste a little funny. but I told myself to get over it, it was probably my bad mood tempering my taste buds.

So I finish the pack and then open it up (because the outside said that there was a contest, and to look inside to see if you're the winner). I don't remember what the contest was, but I opened up the wrapper, and I had won! I started to smile, the clouds had started to part and a little ray of sunshine was finally getting through my miserable week. It looked like my luck was changing.

Then I looked more closely at the label. The contest had expired August something of the PREVIOUS year. The sun went away, the clouds gathered en-mass and it started to storm.
My luck had not changed at all.

Things did get better from there - after all I made some pretty cool friends in University.

And my degrees were a lot of time, and effort - and totally worth it in retrospect - although I did not always feel that way while in the moment.

I Have Been Guest on a TV Talk Show

Ok, so I've been on TV more than I realized - I have a couple more instances other than this one and the game show.

For this one, I was 17. And I was on a panel about Teens and Sex.
The producers basically got 2 sets of people (pro and con) and they sat us interspersed along the stage.

They told us they wanted a lively debate, and then when things got that way, the host, chastised us a little and told us to be nice. It was somewhat ironic.

This is where I met Rebeca, who was the organizer of The Challenge Team, and that's how I found out about it, and what eventually lead to what is sometimes affectionately know as my Sex tour. (the talking about No Sex tour, would be more accurate).

And this time around, I did get a copy on video of the show. So If anybody wants to see a pretty old episode of The Shirley Show, with me in it - I can oblige you.

I have been "in love"

Yes, it's true, and to borrow a line from one of my favourite films (Love Actually) "...the total agony of being in love".

It can be an agonizing experience, but in that lies some of it's beauty.
I was also lucky enough to be in love with someone who started out as my best friend. And the depth of that experience is unparalleled (as has been my experience thus far).

And I have also ended a relationship while totally in love with that person. My reasons were simple, again I'm going to borrow a line from a movie (Ever After) "A bird may love a fish Signore, but where would they live?".

And I want to count both the experience of being in love and the wisdom and courage to end a relationship while in love as parts A and B of this accomplishment.

I have Eaten Alone in a Restaurant

This may not seem like an accomplishment to some of you.
And I will wholeheartedly admit to not enjoying it one bit, but through the necessity of eating while on business travel, I have on one single occasion, sat in a restaurant alone,sans reading material and had dinner.

And I feel quite accomplished for having done so.

I'm the girl who will play Bejewelled on her Palm pilot while waiting for take-out, or have the TV on while cooking dinner - even though I can't see it from the kitchen.

I am not good at being alone. And I am very creative at keeping busy and surrounded by others, as you well know if you've ever spent any time with me.

So this is a very big accomplishment for me.

I have been to the Pyramids of Giza

Ok, this one is sort of not fair - land of my birth and all.

But it is kind of cool that I have been to see live one of the only 2 man made objects visible from space. The great wall of China is the other.

And it is one of the 7 wonders of the Ancient world - sadly it didn't make the new list :(

I did this in 1999.

I Have Been a Contestant on a TV Game Show

Yep, I have - but I didn't win :(

This is a recent one as well, I taped the show the summer before last, and the show aired last year.

I didn't see myself, because the show aired on TvTropolis, and I didn't get that channel.

But I am a contestant on Episode 51 of Season 1 of "Inside the Box" which was a TV trivia game show.

And I have no swag to show for my participation. Heck I was there for like 6 hours, and they didn't even give us a bottle of water.

But it was fun.

I have flown an Airplane

It has been a lifelong dream of mine to fly. It's one of the items that always ends up on one of those "things to do before I die" lists that I re-invent every once in a while.

It's probably because my Dad is an Aeronautical Engineer, so I got the bug early on, weather I was interested or not on my own. We used to go by the airport and my Dad would explain to me what kind of plane was in the air, and taught me how to guess based on the shape of the underbelly.

And it was a dream, I think I was pretty liberal about sharing.

In 2nd year university, my boyfriend told me he had a surprise for my Birthday. And if you know me at all, you know just how much I love both presents and pleasant surprises.

He told me to "dress warmly" and that was about it.

So he picks me up and we're driving and then he says - "Umm, I'm kind of not sure about the directions, I may need you to help me"
"Ok, no problem - where are we going?"
"Well, I don't want to tell you if I don't have to"
"Ok"

So we're driving north, and suddenly he pulls into the Buttonville Airport.
"ummm, you know this is an airport right? Is this where we're suppose to be?"
"yes, relax, this is the place"


So we met our instructor at the entrance.
We got a tour of the airport.
An explanation of the mechanics of flight.
A Tour of the Air Traffic Control tower
I got my name in the flight log as the co-pilot (how cool is that!)
And then I got to fly!

It was the most phenomenal and surreal experience.
I did absolutely everything except for the take-off and landing.
I taxied along the runway.
I learned about flying using instruments in the dark - that was funny, because I didn't quite get it at first and the instructor calmly says, "ok so now the plane is dropping at a rate of 750 feet a second"
"OH! Ok, so that means I need to pull up the nose right?"
"Yes, ok - good that's much better"

I remember it so clearly - which is funny, because I remember saying how I wished that I had brought my camera, so I wouldn't forget.

With the exception of God's gift of Jesus, which brings me eternal life with Him in Heaven, it's the best gift I have ever received.

So accomplishment #2 is my second best ever present.

I bought a Home

This is my most recent accomplishment.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of it.
Other times, I feel like it's a trivial step, and I can't even do this right (after all I don't have any furniture, cable, a land-line or an Internet connection).

I do think it's a big step though, and should be counted as an accomplishment.

I sort of feel like I'm doing things a little backwards - most people buy their first home with their spouse or significant other, and I have not.

But then, that sort of makes me a little ahead of the game right? Not putting my life on hold, but rather living life, and making smart choices. At least I'm told home ownership is a smart choice.

And I am really learning to love it.
Sometimes I close my eyes, and I see it furnished, and it's so elegant - I sigh a little.

I can just say "come over" and it's always cool. This is by far what I am enjoying the most about having my own place.

So come over, and celebrate my accomplishment #1 with me :)

The Countdown Begins

It's October 1st already!
In 28 days I will be 30 years old.

If you know me well, or have been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I always get this New Year's-esque sort of reflection about my life and my accomplishments around my birthday. And I usually make resolutions for myself.

I always seem to get a little bummed out as I reflect. I usually feel like I have not accomplished nearly as much as I expected to by __ age. And it doesn't seem to matter what the number in the blank is, I always seem to fall short.

But in the words of my wise friend (well this time wise anyways) Jeremy, "It's not a race".

So this year, I am going to try and buck the system, and my pattern. Now old habits die hard, so I'm not sure how well I will accomplish this, but I'm going to try.

So in honour of turning 30 - which is a big milestone. I hope to enter a post a day, and each one will be about something that I have accomplished in my life.

They may not be huge accomplishments (after all I do have to come up with about 27 of them) but I am going to try and think of one thing every day.

After all one should be celebrating when they reflect on their life, not lamenting.
Isn't that the point of a birthday party - bringing people together to celebrate the individual. Kind of saying, "I'm glad you're alive, you make my life a little sweeter by being in it".

Ahh my sadly dwindling bank account

I never claimed to have a lot of money, and in fact have always had to work very hard for my pennies.

So when your few pennies start shrinking at rate that is much higher that with which it can be replenished - well, let's just say that while my bank account is shrinking, the knots in my stomach are growing!

I'm not at a zero balance - thank the Lord - that might just up and give me a heart attack - but I am uncomfortable at the point to which it's dipped.

I know that I have made smart choices with my money. And that investing in real estate is always a scary leap, but a good one. That has not however had any effect on my body's sudden urge to liquefy all of my insides.

This struggle and ensuing digestive upset had lead me to a few insights about my feelings on financial matters. (Always the therapist, I can't help but psychoanalyze my habits).

Here's what I've learned:

#1 - I do not like credit. I have been advised numerous times to do one of those "buy now, pay later" jobs for some furniture - and I just wont do it. I figure I can live without furniture, so when I have some set aside for it, then I can have the luxury of furniture. Pay attention here, I just called furniture a luxury?!!

#2 - Things that used to be normal expenses for me now seem to be extravagant expenses. For example, I used to be a grocery store snob. I hated going to no frills or food basics for food - it felt dirty and gross. I used to not mind paying a little extra for Longo's or Michael-Angelo's - I felt I was getting my money's worth on good quality stuff. And while that basic tenet has not changed - now, I walk through Longo's and say "$2.69 for that juice?! What a rip off, I'm sure I can get it at No Frills for $1.99". So I walk through the No Frills with this look of disdain on my face, as I purchase my groceries. And I am obsessively smelling everything to make sure it's clean.

#3 - I go for a swim or to work out in my condo, not because I want to, but because I am paying for it (as part of my condo fees) and feel that I am getting ripped off if I don't use it. the only bonus to this is the fact that there is cable in the gym (individual TVs for all the cardio equipment).

I feel like I'm going crazy! Actually, I feel like I'm behaving as a crazy person would.

Don't worry no need to call - (well I guess I would be the person you called in these types of situations, wouldn't I?)
Ahh, Irony....what a melancholy friend.

I think the most interesting thing I have learned about myself, is that my financial situation is probably not nearly as dire as it appears to me. But because of where I've been and my feelings of going it alone, with no safety net - I feel almost paralyzed with fear - I don't want to, I can't screw this up!

Ok that being said, I just wanted to let you know about a couple of luxuries I feel forced to cut out of my life right now.

As much as I love shopping for and giving gifts, I will be limited to cards this year for Birthdays and Christmas, etc. I know this is a big year for a lot of us (turning 30 and all) - so I am sorry.

As much as I LOVE my birthday, I think the merry making will not be a part of the plan this year.

In other news - did you hear I got my own place? How cool is that? And the kitchen is crazy fabulous! And it's mine, all mine!

I'm in.....now what?!

As I write this I am sitting in my living room. Yes that's right, mine in my very own first place.
So here I am on an ottoman (one of 2 and my only pieces of furniture currently), staring off at the snow that my non cable receiving TV is emitting. I figure it's "white noise", and that's suppose to be a good thing.

I am running my dishwasher for the first time, and I have ice in my freezer and bottled water in my fridge.

My den is stacked with boxes, and I'm not really sure where anything is.

I am using somebody else's Internet signal (thank God - I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't have some sort of media!!)

I am about to spend my very first night in my new place.

And I am so excited. It feels like such a milestone in life.
Granted I always assumed that buying a home would be the sort of thing that I didn't do alone, it's a real pitch into the "grown-up" realm.

I am curious to see how I manage with only my own company, but I think it'll be a good learning experience for me.

That being said, please come visit - come over anytime and all the time - I HATE being alone :)
Just bring a lawn chair or a pillow or something, because chez Mira we recline Moroccan style (that's fancy for sit on the floor).

Ah, that's now, but just you wait, Mira's Party Palace will be fabulous before you know it.
Then you may have to book reservations 3 weeks in advance to come and visit.
(a girl can dream right?!)

Ho Hum

And so it continues...

Life has been plodding along at it's usual pace with several enjoyable blips lately.

In June I got to be a part of Emma and Austin's Engagement - even though I was the only one who was in the dark as to what was going on. But as Emma said, at least one of us got to be surprised!

In July I bought a Condo - yes my first home, and attached "contract until death" roughly translated as a Mortgage.

I went to St. Jacob's for the first time.

I planted 3 seeds that have not died yet - FINALLY something that lives! Although I have had to bring them into the office for the extra support of 2 very green-thumbed co-workers.

Last night I had supremo seats to the Jays game - I won them @ work. Company seats are very nice. And we won 7-0!

In August I get to move in to my place.

And in between these flashes of joy, the everyday business of living continues.

I'm kind of making it sounds depressing.
It's not, it's mostly just boring.

And it always continues.......

Movie Love

Last night Rydra & I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
Never mind that it was opening week-end and we had to drive to 3 theaters to find a non sold-out show. And while we were trying for an 8pm show, the earliest one we caught started at 10:30pm. I won't even tell you what time I got home after a 3 hour movie.

On, and don't worry what I'm about to tell you is not a spoiler.

So the movie is mostly an action flick, but there are still some elements of romance in it - the whole story between Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan.

It's about 3/4 of the way through the movie and Will and Elizabeth are sharing a tender moment. And I kind of sighed (yeah, I'm a girl) and thought, "I just want somebody to love me like that."

And God spoke to me.
Don't worry not in a crazy audible hallucination sort of voice.
But in the still small voice after the wind.

He said, "I do!"
"I love you so much, I sent a part of myself, my son to you."
"I suffered and died a painful death, so that we could be together for all eternity"
"And I do it all, even when you don't reciprocate my love in any way, or even recognize it."

And I started to cry.
So I was the only idiot crying in Pirates of the Caribbean. Good thing that theater is pitch black.

But I was also so fully aware of just how loved I am.
Loved completely, unconditionally, and based on no actions of my own.
Loved beyond all measure, and for all eternity.

So I think how God loves me and you gives Will Turner more than just a run for his money (ignoring the fact that he's a fictional character in a fantasy movie).

And it's very cool to know that I am loved more amazingly than any writer could ever conceptualize or any movie maker could ever bring to a screen.

I am loved! God freely gives me His love every day, despite the fact that I have done nothing to earn or deserve it.

I have been feeling all warm and fuzzy ever since I remembered that yesterday.

My Haircut

I am going to get my haircut today. My appointment is right after work.
Now I know what you're thinking - big deal.
But it is a big deal for me - it probably is for most people with my kind of hair.

So my crazy, kinky curls need specialized attention.
My usual experience at the hair salon includes a stylist raving about my curls - giving me a BAD cut, poofing my hair out to all eternity and charging me a month's wages for the debacle!

When I was younger I used to go home in tears every time. My Mom would let me cry a little, wash my hair again and then do her best to tame the beast.

Because of this repetitive trauma, I do my best to avoid getting my hair cut. I usually save-up all the money I get on my birthday and get my cut around that time.

The last time I got my hair cut was in January - it was on a whim. That's your first indicator of disaster. I walked into this salon and innocently enquired as to the cost. I was talked into a colour and cut by the stylist who swore up and down that he had experience with curly hair.

The colour job was awesome - the lady matched my own hair so perfectly that some people didn't even notice that I got rid of my blonde highlights, and almost 6 months later, I have no visible roots.
The cut however was another story. So the guy tells me he's going to give me "the Rat cut" - which is suppose to be state of the art. And promised not to take a lot of the length (if you know anything about how curly hair shrinks, you know how important the length issue is) So he takes my hair, divides it into sections and starts twisting them around his fingers and cuts up the length of the hair.
Yep - UP the length of the hair.
So I ended up with these insane layers that looked like antenna poking out of my head at weird angles all the way around.

Then he brushed it out (again if you know anything about curly hair, this is where you would utter a horrified gasp) and sent me on my merry way.

So 3 hours later, I'm sitting at my friend's house, and my hair has added about 3 inches to my height and about as much to my width as well! Don't forget the unusual alien antenna halo to finish off the look.

So suffice it to say, getting my haircut is a big deal.

Another weird thing I have noticed about when I gear-up to get my haircut (because it does take some psychological prepping) I start to fall in love with my hair, or get lots of compliments on it or something like that.

Take Today for example. In the interests of trying to get the best haircut, I styled my hair and left it down. I read in a magazine that you need to show a stylist your hair as you want to wear it - so they can get an idea for the look, feel and texture of it before getting to work. Usually by the time I get to the salon my hair has been in a bun all week. So Today, I left my hair down, and 5 people have complimented me on it today. Seriously 5 people!

I wonder if psychologically I am just noticing it more, to deter myself from getting the haircut? But then that backfires on me because I still get the haircut, but I have a falsely positive view of my hair before the cut which only increases the margin of disappointment.

Maybe it's just part of the whole "Change is hard for people" phenomenon.

I'll have to keep you posted as to my post haircut experience.

The Catastrophizer rises again!

As many of you who read my blog know, my mother is a Catastrophzer.
To recap, a Catastrophizer is someone who turns every situation, every potential set back or problem into a catastrophe.
It's like the opposite of being on Prozac.
We're talking about someone who sees the possible worst in every situation.

My Mom has left on a trip, a pilgrimage to Jerusalem last Tuesday. And while she left us an itinerary, she left no contact numbers.

I thought this was impressive - even more so, was the fact that she hadn't called in since she left. Weird, but I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I figured she was just enjoying her time, and decided not to check-in.

Yesterday afternoon the phone rings:

"Hello"
"Hi, is this Mira?"
"Yes it is"
"Hi my Mom is your Mom's roommate on the trip to Israel and she asked me to call you to have you call her, here's the number..."
"Oh, ok, thanks"
"Listen, they're in the dining room right now, but she asked that you call her right away, so when you get through to the Hotel, ask for the dining room"
"Oh, ok, thanks"

So I do as I was asked and dutifully call the hotel dining room, interrupting the dinner of numerous guests.
And the staff finally gets my Mom on the phone.

"Hi Nana" (my nickname for her)
"Hi ya Habibti" (Arabic endearment)
"So how's your Trip?" - Now I should have known better than to just straight out ask this question, foolish me.
"Oh! You can not believe, I have a cold, I can barely lift my head off the pillow, I am taking Advil every day, it's terrible!"

"That's ok Mom, it's just a cold, take some medicine and enjoy the tours"
"Oh yes, well my roommate has some antibiotics, so I will take some from her, because this cold is just unbearable"
"What! Mom, you can't take somebody else's antibiotics - plus, it's just a cold"
"No, you don't understand, if I don't take the antibiotics, maybe I get Typhoid!"
"Mom, when's the last time you heard about someone getting Typhoid from a cold? anyways - have you been talking any pictures?"

"Well, nothing really, the cameras are no good, they don't encourage me to take pictures?"
"What are you talking about? You haven't taken any pictures?"
"No, I took 2 rolls full, but I'm just saying the cameras are no good, and the place is so much more beautiful than the pictures I am taking. Probably they will be ugly pictures!"

"Ok, so, so far you've complained to me about your health and your cameras, and it's cost me probably $30 to hear it, and now your dinner's cold - was there anything else you wanted to tell me about?" - Did I actually say that out loud? Have I succumbed to the Catastrophizer that runs in my blood, or am I simply shooting her with a dose of her own medicine.
Please Lord, let it be the latter!

"No, that's everything" - said so despondently, it almost sounds as if she's sad that she's not miserable about anything else!!

"Ok, well have a great time! Enjoy your experience!"
"Ok thanks, bye"

Even across an ocean, the Catastrophizing is strong with this one.

Back to the Grind

Wow!! It takes little to no time to stumble back into the realities of life after a vacation.

One glorious week of no responsibilities, no cooking, no mandatory waking-up. Reading for pleasure always and only.

One 3 hour and 45 minute cramped flight back - and BOOM, life hits again, going full throttle.

Not that my life is bad, it's not at all, I mostly like my life. But sometimes I wish it would just sit in a bin waiting for me to choose it as opposed to flooding me.

It was like coming back to work today - after a week and a half off - my e-mail inbox was overloaded, and it took me most of my morning to go through it. It would have been nice if I could have only seen one e-mail, and asked for the next one when I was ready.

Or the fact that my Mom had been saving up everything she would normally talk to me about in the course of a week, and crammed it all into the first 2 hours of my being home.

Plus the laziness that a vacation breeds is not helping - I haven't finished unpacking yet.

And I haven't even been back for a full day, and magically I am already counting the hours until today is finished - working my way to the week-end.

So here's to Friday @ 4pm - 2 and a half days away and counting ...

The Golden Chisel of Opportunity

Lat night I had Easter dinner over at the Schnekenburgers - 'cause my family deserted me for a 5 hour church service, but we won't talk about that.

Also at Easter dinner were Austin and Emma. So we were all sitting around post-feast, in a bit of an overindulgence coma as a result of the amazing meal Joslyn had made. We got to talking about relationships, and more specifically hooking-up (how is it I always end up in weird conversations about relationships or sex or some other odd thing?).
We got to talking about what a good way to meet somebody else would be. And at one point in the conversation because of several things I had said Austin made the comment that I had ruled out any opportunities to meet anybody else. (I don't remember the exact words he said, but it was mostly to that effect).
So my response was as follows:
"No, no, don't misunderstand me , it's NOT like I'm over here in my block of ice and only the select few with the golden chisel of opportunity have a chance, that's not what I'm saying"
to which of course the ever witty and astute Austin replied "Come on Mir, if you're in a block of ice, that chisel is useless - gold is way to soft to work through that - it's gonna need a diamond tip or something - maybe a Hammer of Justice!"
(again, I'm sure I'm messing up the quotes just a little, but the essence shines through!)
We all had a great laugh about it last night, it was a super funny moment.

Now I've been home all day (called in sick this morning - I think the after effects of the overindulgence coma of last night) and I've been kind of really thinking about that conversation we had yesterday. I was having some difficulty articulating what I was thinking and what I felt.

I was talking about how I have a difficult time with any kind of singles thing where the focus is finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. I used Internet dating as an example. I just feel it's too focused for lack of a better word. Again, I am struggling to pin-point what I mean.
I also said that I don't like the idea of a stranger coming up to someone and saying something like "hey, can I give you my number?". In the conversation somewhere was also my belief that the men should be doing the chasing, and that I personally was not comfortable with being forward. I think that's where the whole - how are you suppose to meet him if he's not allowed to talk to you thing came up - which was the precursor to my golden chisel comment above.

Ok - so in my ponderings today, I think I can better express what it is that bothers me. I have a problem with being judged based on my appearance. Ok before getting into the details, let me put up a disclaimer - I am not suggesting that my beliefs are right, or that opposing or different views are wrong. I just want to tell you what I figured out I believe.

My issue has several aspects:

1. I have a deep routed belief that someone who makes a judgement like "I want to go out with you" based on your appearance - is only really interested in having sex with you, deep down.

2. I think that the best anyone has to offer should be more than just how they look.

3. I think that my inside is not accurately reflected by my outside - and I want to be valued for the things that I consider valuable like my smarts and my sense of humour and people friendliness. (then I started thinking if this is what all smart ugly people say or think because they can never be good looking) (don't worry, I don't think I'm ugly)

4. Which makes me secretly (well not so secretly anymore I guess) scared that if all I have to start with is how I look - nobody worthwhile is ever going to take the time to find out the stuff about me that I think is more important.

5. I definitely have a serious discomfort with blatant sexuality. As an adjunct, I fell uncomfortable with being "checked-out" or - well you know what I mean.

Whew!! Ok I know that's probably way more information than anybody wanted know about me - and to be honest maybe a little more than I wanted to know about myself. But I have this nasty habit of analyzing human behaviour - you'd think it was my job or something;)

So I blogged it to have record of it. So that I couldn't just have figured it out today, and then let it fade. The secret to learning something about yourself is figuring out if that knowledge encourages you to do something differently. Because it's the change in behaviour that changes your life. So I didn't want my thoughts from today to fade into nothing.

My recurring work dreams

Ugh!
It's been about 5 days now that I have not been sleeping well. Every night I wake-up a couple of times and I seem to be consistently thinking about work and even dreaming about work.

Now this may not seem to be a big deal to anyone else, but my typical pattern is that I have trouble falling asleep - because I'm a night-owl - but once I'm asleep - I am dead to the world. I don't remember dreaming, I don't get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom, nothing - and when it's time to wake-up it takes an army of angry Vikings to shake the sleep off me and get my butt out of bed.

I also NEVER remember my dreams - most nights it's like I just closed my eyes, when my AM alarm goes off.

So lately I haven't really remembered the details of all these work dreams - but I distinctly remember that they have all been about work. On Saturday morning, I work-up with a to do list for work, and had to remind myself that it's the week-end!

And every night I give myself a little pep-talk about this dreaming business - I say "Now Miriam, you have a rich life, with many good thing - you will not dream about work, there is more to your life than work!"
Yeah - so far it hasn't been working. I think actually I am probably at this point priming myself to dream about work - I have created a psychological association through Pavlovian conditioning. Mind you I'm not really sure what the reward is in my conditioning cycle.

So I am going to try and pick something to dream about instead - and give myself a pep-talk about that before bed every night and see what happens.

Hey do you think that if I dream about working out, then everyday I will somehow get a little more fit - and maybe wake-up with sore muscles? Because I am psychologically working out? That would be awesome!! But definitely sounds too good to be true.

Any ideas on what I should be trying to dream about?

Finally!!

Here are some pics of my finally completed Blanket in it's goal or ultimate purpose of my bed cover.

A Compendium of un-useless facts

For anybody who knows me, you know how much I love information.
My ambition is to have "She died knowing it all" inscribed on my tombstone - and for it to be the truth. (N.B. that does not make me a Know-it-all)

Flowing from that, it only makes sense that Trivial Pursuit is my favourite board game, and that I am lousy at not being the winner when I play.

While I am not usually a competitive person, there's just something about not "ruling the roost" in the knowledge of trivia domain.

I also got a cool book as a gift on my birthday. I have been very occupied with work and other endeavours and have been a slow reader later - but this book is hilarious - and right up my alley!

So the premise of this novel is a magazine editor who decided to read his way through the entire Encyclopedia Britannica.
The chapters are divided by alphabet - 26 chapters in all.

And here's the kicker, and the part that truly makes me a geek (which by the way the term originated in the circus - it referred to performers who would bite the heads off chickens).

I love learning the fact and trivia in this novel. By the way the definition of Geek is courtesy of Jeopardy.

For example did you know that Berserkers where fierce Norse warriors, who went into battle naked. Hence the term "going berserk" should actually include an element of nudity.

Or that Abalones (an oyster like sea creature) have 5 distinct orifices dedicated to excrement.

So I've only read up to chapter C - but I am so excited about all the new things I am going to learn.

Now the only problem is that these are not everyday conversation pieces of information. So be forewarned that my spewing of interesting but not immediately useful information may slightly increase in the near future.

Do I have Stupid Stamped on my Forehead?

Ok so Friday after work I went to the mall to buy a new coat.

I went into a store and found a pretty great coat, only the zipper was missing the piece that you hold on to to push or pull it. (sorry don't know what that little piece is called)

And that's where the Stupid-fest started. I felt like this sales lady just assumed that I must be the stupidest and most ignorant person alive, and kept making the same assumption over and over again.

Our conversation started something like this:

The zipper is broken on this coat
Oh, no you just need to go slowly, don't rush the zipper
No seriously, the zipper is broken
It's not broken, it works just fine, you only have to go slowly (she proceeds to zip up the jacket - of course she is having trouble because she has nothing to hold on to).
Ok, fine, this zipper is incomplete
There's nothing wrong with this zipper.
Listen, this is not the condition in which you received this coat, there is a piece of it missing.
No no no, there is no problem.
This is not how this zipper started out
the zipper is fine, it works.

So I give up this loosing battle with the lady. I decide to take another tactic:

Do you have another one of this coat? One with a complete zipper.
No sorry this is the last one.
Ok can you call around to other stores please to see if they might have one

Now the woman heaves this huge sigh, and take the coat over to the computer which we are both facing and scans the barcode.
She says to me "No there are no other stores that have this coat".

Now remember that I am facing the computer screen with her, and can see clearly that she is lying through her teeth.

"Actually your computer says that there is one in my size at Fairview, can you call there for me please?"

Another huge sigh, she pulls the catalog out from under her desk and proceeds to call Fairview (doing things as slowly as possible, and it's like I asked her to write up an international peace treaty or something).

She gets off the phone after about 4 minutes and turns to me and says "No sorry they don't have it".
"Your computer clearly says that they do"
"Well it's only updated once a day, so they may have sold it last night or early today"

Finally, she has said something that I will actually believe!

"So what am I going to do, the zipper is broken"
"No no, I told you it's not broken, you just have to go slowly, you can't rush a zipper".

Not this talk again!
I am unbelievably frustrated at this point, so I just exhale sharply and turn around to leave the store.

Now the woman calls out to me - "Maybe I could give you 10% off"
So of course I turn back around.

She takes the coat to ring it up and looks at the tag. Now this coat has already been discounted more than 50% - so she pauses and says "If I give you this discount I will get in trouble".

At this point I resist the urge to say "But the zipper is broken!" and just stare at her.
So she says to me "Ok, Ok I will give you the discount, just give me a second to figure out how I can scan it into the system so I don't get in trouble".
I respond with "Do whatever you've got to do".

In the end I did end up with my coat. But the whole ordeal had me thinking about just how stupid this woman was assuming I was. And how strictly she was sticking to that hypothesis despite the fact that I didn't reinforce her belief.

We were staring at the same zipper, the same computer screen, and yet she insisted on flat out lying to me, over and over again. Somehow magically believing that I would just say "oh, ok".

I don't like to share

Yesterday at work, one of the senior managers, a director actually asked if she could use my computer because hers was not working and she had to do something "time sensitive".
What, am I going to say No to a director - of course I let her, and I walked away to give her privacy. But then I had this weird dream last night that she was Internet gambling, and I'm the one who's going to get whacked with it.

It's true, I don't like to share.
I am an only child, I never had to learn how to share.

Actually I don't like to share is probably not very accurate. It's more like I don't like people messing with my stuff.

I don't always like lending things out, it stresses me. For example I lent my Friend Deanna my Season 10 of FRIENDS like 3 months ago, and I haven't seen her since. Every time I see the gap in my media library, I get the sweats a little.

I hate lending out one of my books or DVD only to get it back tattered, the spine broken, juice spilled on the pages, etc.
I had a friend once, she was suppose to be my best friend. I lent her a book, finally worked up the guts to ask for it back like 2 years later, and she actually laughed at me when I asked "Like I could find it now!" was her response.

I hate when my cousins are over in the summer - yep, like 6 or 7 extra people living in my house for like 3 months. They just come into my room and put a DVD into the player, don't put the old one back in the proper case, just leave stuff out on my bed. They used to never rewind videos either when they were finished with them. My perfume has all bee tried, and I know of course because the caps are all over the place, never put back on the bottles.

Whenever I would complain to my Mom, she told me I was bad at sharing because I grew up to be "selfish" as an only child.

But seriously - is it so hard to give me back my stuff in a timely manner in the condition you received it?!
And I wouldn't have said no to my cousins using my TV/DVD player, Perfume etc, I just wanted to be consulted first. You know, recognized as the owner of said stuff.

So please consider this my warning to you - please don't mess with my stuff. If you do I might just ......... politely and very apologetically ask you not to?

Maybe that's my problem!

The Trouble with Boys

Ok I've got a beef.

I am going to make a general statement here, and in my experience it is 100% true (yep, 100%)
When a guy is not interested, instead of letting you know he's not interested, he wusses out and just doesn't call you back - even if he tells you he will call you.

I'm a nice girl, and I've been on dates where I do not click with the person I'm with, and I call them and tell then that we didn't click.
It's not rude or impolite, in fact I think it's very respectful.

Here's how the conversation usually goes:

Me: Hi
Guy: Hi
Me: I had a nice evening, and enjoyed meeting you last week/night/Wednesday/etc
Guy: yeah, me too
Me: I just didn't feel like we connected as I was hoping we would
Guy: uhhhhh
Me: But I did have a nice evening, thanks for lunch/dinner/movie/etc, and good luck with (whatever we talked about on the date)
Guy: yeah, thanks, you too

See, not so huge.
It's not like it's easy for me to make that call, but I figure it's the respectful thing to do.

So why the heck don't guys do that?? And if you're not going to call, for heaven's sake don't say you're going to call.

That's my beef.
I get it if you're not interested, and I'm ok with that (there's lots of times when I'm not interested either) , just tell me nicely.

Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its owncalled High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invokeForgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge andResentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.
God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

** disclaimer, this is not my original work, someone sent it to me as a forward, and I wanted to share it. I don't know who the author is**

Has anybody checked their vibration frequency recently?

So while drowning in work - relief is on the horizon, in a couple of weeks I hope.
I have surfaced for air on a couple of minute occasions.

And my, my what interesting tidbit my trips to the surface have brought.

First off I spent a week-end on a church retreat. My church joined with 2 other churches for a 20-somethings retreat. And while I may be on the upper end of 20-something, I'm still technically in my twenties, so I went.

So here are a couple of things I learned on this retreat (which by the way, I did enjoy):

1. I was born in a desert country and my body was made for HEAT! This freezing, every building heated by a measly fire is not an option for me. I was practically sitting in the fire, and I still managed to feel cold almost the entire week-end.

2. Christians get married ridiculously young. It seemed that almost everybody between the ages of 21 and 25 is either married or engaged. And here's my theory about that
- In my humble estimation, I think Christians get married young to circumvent pent up desire.
- because like 98% of Christians get married young, if you're over 25, Christian and unmarried, there is a REASON you are single. I realize that this theory paints me in a particularly unfavourable light (I am Christian, over 25 and single), but I stand by it.

3. Weird is never a synonym for endearing. While most people at the retreat were married or in a couple, the few REASONS were like beacons for the whole REASON theory (see #2 above). There was the cowboy-hat-guy (I don't know his name). He was just as eager to sit in the fire as I was, but while I would go early to get the closest seat, he would come late and squeeze himself on the ground by the mantle, asks me "schootch a little" and then I would sit squished for the entire session, while he spread out like he owned an acre of real-estate. Where does such a skinny guy get off taking up 3 times as much space as I do anyways?

4. You can never catch up on lost sleep. When I got home, I went to bed around 8pm, and somehow still don't feel fully recovered over a week later.

Following the Retreat the next Saturday, I went to my Running Clinic for the Nutrition talk. Well instead of nutrition, we learned about this thing called The Secret. Have you heard the Secret? Apparently it is a scientifically backed theory about the law of attraction. According to our speaker's explanation, we each attract what we put out there. And we put it out there based on the frequency that we are each vibrating. Hence, if we increase the frequency that we are vibrating, we then attract more positive things into our lives.
It's suppose to be on Oprah on Feb. 8th.

It sounded interesting enough to look into, I asked Mr. shaw about it - he sent me the link for it from Google Videos, but the picture is very grainy. I tried to watch it, but found the bad visual very distracting, I only got through like 2 minutes. Oh also, apparently each time you watch the video your body adjusts by increasing the basal frequency at which you're vibrating. So just watching is suppose to be a powerful boost.

I wonder if I could augment the frequency I'm vibrating at to scientifically vibrate the REASON right out of me?
I would not look forward to the experimentation process, but the results would be interesting.

Can't talk - working!

Is anybody else drowning in work these days?
No relief in sight?

If I have one more person walk past my desk or send me an e-mail that starts "Oh, by the way" I think I may actually start to spit nails - machine gun style with no concern for casualties!

SO I've been pseudo promoted at work. I call it a pseudo promotion because it hasn't officially happened yet - I'm still technically suppose to be doing what I have been doing up to this point (in reality I find myself trying to juggle 2 full time jobs instead).

It comes with a pay raise of $0 - yes you read that right, $0.
Possibility or a raise in April.

And magically once it was announced, what people seemed to hear was - everybody call ME all at once for absolutely anything and everything.

The fact that it's year end doesn't help - because it seems to be that everybody else is feeling the same sense of drowning in their TO DO lists.

Currently mine is about 3 months worth of stuff to do, that I somehow have to complete in a couple of weeks, while continuing to do my old job, and oh yeah, train my replacement. If I can't train my replacement fast enough, that's just the more time I spend in my old job.

Plus it's not like my home is a haven, and I come home to a peaceful place to regenerate. Remember my Mother the catastrophizer? Yeah, the daily ins and outs of that can be demanding.

So I've decided that I'm going to go on strike. Yep, that's right a Strike from my life. Anybody want to join me? While I can't physically go anywhere, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my new job (which by the way, I am actually excited about, it should be a great role for me)I plan on in my head floating on an inner tube in the middle of the ocean for the better part of most days. With the exception of eating , bathroom breaks, sleep and TV - that's where I'll be. We could turn my inner tube into a raft - I am a social person, and would prefer to do nothing with someone else than all by myself anyways.

The Sky is Falling!

DO you know anybody who is a catastrophizer?
You know what I mean, a person who makes mountains out of molehills.

My Mother is a catastrophizer to the nth degree.
Ever night before going to bed she is compelled to watch the weather forecast. And if the forecast is something like "tomorrow there is a 80% Probability of precipitation and we should receive about 3mm of rain". She interprets that as a storm of hurricane proportions and says "Ohhhhhhhhh, oh boy!" "What am I going to do tomorrow?"
"Why Mom, what's the matter?"
"There's going to be a storm tomorrow! I'm sure that the water on the ground will be so much that tires will spin and I will get water in the engine and the car will break. Then I will be late for work and will probably get fired. So then I will have no job and no money and no car, and no money to buy a new car, because my car broke from the rain".
**sigh, long slow exhale**

Or like for example when I put the first scratch on my new car. Yes, I put the first scratch on my own new car about a month after I got it. I did it with a snow shovel while shovelling the driveway. So I'm bummed about it and I tell my mom, and instead of giving me a soothing word "It's ok, just a small scratch, it was bound to get scratched eventually, no big deal" I get:
"Oh my God! What have you done! Now it will rust, probably tomorrow, then the rust will spread, and your entire car will fall apart, probably in a few years, maybe before you've finished paying it off!"
"Mom!! That's not helpful to me!"
"Oh, sorry, well maybe you could get it fixed. How much would that cost do you think? Probably more than the car cost you in the first place, so now you've paid double what your car is worth, but at least you'll still have a car."

Sometimes, when I'm in a very mischievous mood, I wonder what it would be like if I just fuelled the fire.
In my head the senario plays out like this:
"Mira, I think the sky is falling"
"Oh yeah Mom, didn't you know?"
"What? You know about this? Explain it to me!"
"Well, just like you said the sky is falling, scientists are predicting that the world is going to end next Thursday."
"Oh my, Thursday. What are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do, we just have to sit and wait to die"
"Well, if we're all going to die at once, then there's probably going to be a line-up at Heaven's gate, and what if I have to go to the bathroom! Then I'll loose my place, and have to wait even longer. I will probably end-up at the back of the line waiting to get into Heaven for all eternity!"

Poor Mom, for her the sky is always falling.

I'm Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!

Ugh!! I am so sick!
I can't breath through my nose.
I probably look like a Neanderthal gulping for breath with my mouth open at all times.

I feel like the guy in the dristan commercials rummaging in his basement for a power drill to "help" with his congestion.

I got sent home from work yesterday. Yep, my first day back from a whole week off, and my manager let me talk for a whole 5 minutes and discussed me going home. I worked from home for the afternoon yesterday.
Too bad I was too sick to enjoy it. There is something to be said for working from home.

I have only been home for about a day and half, and I was still working yesterday.
Today, I am sick, restless and bored!
Everytime I think, well if I'm restless and bored, do something, I start moving, exhaust myself in about 10 minutes and have to take a nap.

This is ridiculous!

So I've resolved that what I need is a germ cleansing. I stripped my bed, flipped my mattress, and opened the window. I changed my PJ's, and am going to take the world's hottest shower.
I am smoking these germs out baby - because I am so sick of being sick! (It's been 2 days)

In my delirium, I imagine the germs laughing at me -
"poke her there, ha ha ha"
"wait, let's make her gasp for breath again!"
"This is so great, I love torturing people, we're never leaving!"
I bet they're green and bubbly shaped and wearing army helmets with names like Gleeba and Rhonon.

Plus there's a reason why people work during the day, because the TV sucks! The only thing on is soap operas and daytime talk shows. I don't care if your cousin is your uncle and the father of your baby!
Maybe daytime TV is a government conspiracy to keep unemployment rates down?

So I'm smoking the germs out because I refuse to stay home again tomorrow!

Ah, How the body forgets - TRAITOR!

So this morning I went to my first day of clinic with the Running Room. As some of you may know, I joined the Running Room in May, and have been trying to learn to run ever since.

So I had just completed the 5K clinic in December, and miraculously actually managed to run 5k by the end of the clinic. My first and only 5k was on the very last clinic night,and it took me 37 minutes to complete (doing the usual 10:1 run/walk program). This was a huge accomplishment for me. Most of my clinic mates had been running 5K for a good 3 weeks, but I had never broken the 25 minute barrier.

So I decided to take the 5K clinic again, in the hopes of both improving my endurance and speed. My goal is to finish the clinic able to run 5K somewhere under 35 minutes.

So today being day 1, we start off nice and slow to ease back into things, 5:1 for a total of 20 minutes, that's all. I figured it would be this leisurely run, where I got to know the new people and I wouldn't break much of a sweat or have laboured breathing.

HA!! My traitorous body had other ideas. It has been 4 weeks since I last run, and magically it feels like my body forgot that I have ever used it to run in any shape or form in the past. I was the last person in the group of 11 - last again! I was huffing and puffing and kept calling out to the facilitator "How much longer?" on a 5 minutes interval! How wussy am I??!!!!!

Then we get back to the store, our run is complete, everybody else is smiling, stretching gently, while I'm beet red, puffing vigorously and almost doubled over trying to get some strength back. It was like I was secretly running a marathon, while they all went on a Sunday stroll.

So new goal, just get through the 5K clinic - try to actually run the time allotted each week.

The Knitting Resolution Part Deux, and other 2007 accomplishments

Ok, time for a Knitting Resolution update. Remember how in the original posts I mentioned how come January it would be 2 years that I have been working on this blanket. So the resolution was to work on it everyday until December 31st, in the hopes that it would be completed.

And I am nothing if not resolute, so I diligently carried my bag around everywhere I went - if you've seen me at all into he past 2 months, you probably never saw me sans my knitting.

Well it paid off- sort off. At 6:52pm on Monday January 1st, I put the last stitch into the body of my blanket. I bound off, and laid it on my bed - it covers the whole thing. I called my family upstairs, made a lamo drum roll sounds, and invited them into my room to view the almost completed Masterpiece.

So now all that is left is the border. I spend most of yesterday driving around to 3 different stores in order to find the right kind of circular needles (aparently really long ones are hard to find) and they were ridiculously expensive. I took the whole kit and caboodle over to Joslyn's who's going to teach me how to do the border.

Apparently there is a problem with figuring out how to space out the border stitches, so I had to leave my bag over at her house last night.

Kinda feels weird to be mostly done. I'll post a picture of it when it's completely finished. I'm considering charging admission for people to come and view it :)

So I didn't exactly accomplish my task, but I'm ok with how much I have left.
I also have not stuck to my other resolutions and we're only 3 days into the new year.

I resolved not to spend any money in January (other than Gas, and regular bills) - and I bought those crazy pricey circular needles yesterday along with some wool to make a scarf.

Plus other incidental fees, I couldn't stop myself from spending.


I wonder why people even bother making New Year's Resolutions, it's kind of like purposefully setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.
Like saying "Hey, I think I'm going to pick on something I suck at, and then act totally shocked and disbelieving when I can't manage to become awesome at it within a day or two".

Maybe next year I'll make some un-resolutions, like sucky things, I will embrace sucking at.