Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Energy Drains

I am so disgustingly tired.

It's like any energy my body meagerly attempts to produce is being trickled out.
So I am unable to find the source of the leak - to plug it, and can't seem to produce energy fast enough to augment the leak.

This does not bode well.

I have a big presentation tomorrow night in class - and I am so tired right now, that all I am imagining is me saying to the class - "ok here's the info, read up and good night!"

Just got to make it through tomorrow night, just got to make it through tomorrow night, just got to make it through tomorrow night.....
Not the most inspiring of mantras, but for right now, it's pushing me through.

Even an intense work-out yesterday didn't help. Today I'm tired and muscle sore - which only encourages my tiredness!

ok, so I figure it's just all my travels catching up to me - and I'm hoping that by this week-end, I will have found a way to "recover" my energy.
Because I really would like to just be bouncy again!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My own worst FunSucker!

Egads! I am turning into my Mother!

I always complain about her being a catastrophizer and here I am doing exactly the same thing.

I am sick of being bummed out.
I am my own worst FunSucker - so I felt the need to inject a little more JoyBringer into this blog.

Everybody all together now - "I'm walking on sunshine, Woah-o!, walking on sunshine....."

So what if I'm going to be 31?
It's really only 1 day older than the day before - big whop!

And so what if I actually spent a whole week-end with my family, that doesn't negate that I have any friends, it just means I designated time to my family. And that's a good thing!

I have a home - now furnished - that's a place I wasn't at this time last year.
I have great friends! Seriously great friends, and LOTS of them - makes me happy.
People keep telling me I have great skin - thank God for that, because every time I try to apply make-up, I end up looking like a battered woman.

I am free to work, practice my religion, shop, cook, vote, live. I am not persecuted for my age, race, religion. I am not forced into servitude or marriage.

I have a good life!

Thank God I remembered that - well thank God that He reminded me :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

In Other News....

I am moving up the weight ladder.
I managed 5 bicep curls with 15lb. weights.
And I'm up to a 20 lb. weight for my triceps.

3 months ago, I could barely do 5 bicep curls with 5lb. weights.

Seems small I know, but very exciting!

Today, bicep curls - tomorrow I might just be able to keep up with Emma in the pool!

14 days and time keeps speeding up!

14 days until I turn 31.
Yup, 31.

I thought 30 was suppose to be the milestone year?
Why does this feel like such a big deal?

I spent the entirety of the Thanksgiving long week-end with my family. Yep - all 3 days.
It was pretty uneventful and fun (which is shocking for 3 days in family confinement).

Here's the weird part - relaxing week-end, no conflict with the family despite 3 entire days of interaction, yummy thanksgiving dinner, which
I made in it's entirety, that should be a great thing! But instead of feeling happy, I can't help but feel discontented.
I have this sad feeling that this is the best my life is going to get - me and my mother for the rest of my life.
I had zero exciting plans - I just cooked, knit and sat on the sofa scanning through channels all week-end (to add insult to injury, there was nothing good on TV).

In all honesty I did accomplish a lot.
I made dinner for 6 (although I made enough for 12)
Turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy and maple pumpkin pie. (It was starch heaven!)

I finished the sweater I was knitting for Catherine's baby (started in May, baby was born in July). I even got to deliver it.

I got to unpack, do laundry, repack

All necessary stuff, and should have been worthwhile ends - but they just feel like shallow accomplishments.

but all I keep thinking is "so what?" and "now what?"

Thursday, October 02, 2008

My Birth Month

It's October already.

Time just keeps speeding up. It's surreal.

The "what have I done with my life" contemplation has started to set in. It's not pretty.

I am nowhere different than I was a year ago. Other than just older, with nothing new to show for it.
Well that's not true - I have a sofa and a dining table and fabulously painted walls. This time last year we were sitting on Caty's sleeping bag in an empty condo.

I have 26 more days of this sad contemplation :(