The Best Laid Plans

I have always considered myself a very logical and rational person.  In fact I have prided myself on it.
I think my ideal state might actually be Vulcan.

I remember going to a funeral in support of a work colleague who's baby had died unexpectedly.  I was in the car with 3 other colleagues, and I said something to effect of "I think I am a cold person".  I was contemplating how I often find I am not as emotional or upset as a situation seems to warrant.  I actually have a little trick I employ to keep from crying - I do math in my head.  It's amazing how multiplication tables can stave off tears.

So this being my Modus Operendi - I have been a little taken aback this week as I have come to the  realization that I am ruled by my emotions just as much as the next guy, in a very surprising way.

I noticed how I allow the way I feel about something to drive me to believe that thing is true, and find "evidence" to support that feeling of truth. 

For example when I wake-up feeling like I look good today.  Somehow on those days my clothes fit a little bit looser, my teeth seem a little bit whiter, and my hair seems a little bit less unruly.  If I wake-up the very next day feeling unpretty - my clothes feel tight, I often say I feel like I look like a sausage stuffed into a casing on days like that.
In reality, it's unreasonable to believe that the girth of my figure or the whiteness of my teeth can perceptibly change from a single day to the very next day.  Now the frizz in my hair...that's a whole other story.

This holds true for more than just my appearance.  It somehow manages to effect my intelligence as well.  Do you ever have days when you just feel dumb.  On those days I somehow seem to loose a large percentage of my vocabulary, ability to do simple mathematical tasks like split a bill or figure out a tip, and blank out on trivia knowledge I would normally have at the tip of my tongue.

What I haven't yet put my finger on is what sparks my emotional condition on any given day.  Is it like a bowel movement, predicated on whatever I consumed emotionally 8 hours earlier?  Maybe it's all driven by whatever I dream about.  I never remember my dreams, so this possibility certainly makes it more difficult to control.  And there in lies the rub - because without understanding what sparks emotions, how can we work to drive different emotions.

I guess the real power lies in not changing your emotions, but acknowledging them, and behaving as if they weren't there.  Which bring us back full circle to the mertis of being Vulcan.