Ahh my sadly dwindling bank account

I never claimed to have a lot of money, and in fact have always had to work very hard for my pennies.

So when your few pennies start shrinking at rate that is much higher that with which it can be replenished - well, let's just say that while my bank account is shrinking, the knots in my stomach are growing!

I'm not at a zero balance - thank the Lord - that might just up and give me a heart attack - but I am uncomfortable at the point to which it's dipped.

I know that I have made smart choices with my money. And that investing in real estate is always a scary leap, but a good one. That has not however had any effect on my body's sudden urge to liquefy all of my insides.

This struggle and ensuing digestive upset had lead me to a few insights about my feelings on financial matters. (Always the therapist, I can't help but psychoanalyze my habits).

Here's what I've learned:

#1 - I do not like credit. I have been advised numerous times to do one of those "buy now, pay later" jobs for some furniture - and I just wont do it. I figure I can live without furniture, so when I have some set aside for it, then I can have the luxury of furniture. Pay attention here, I just called furniture a luxury?!!

#2 - Things that used to be normal expenses for me now seem to be extravagant expenses. For example, I used to be a grocery store snob. I hated going to no frills or food basics for food - it felt dirty and gross. I used to not mind paying a little extra for Longo's or Michael-Angelo's - I felt I was getting my money's worth on good quality stuff. And while that basic tenet has not changed - now, I walk through Longo's and say "$2.69 for that juice?! What a rip off, I'm sure I can get it at No Frills for $1.99". So I walk through the No Frills with this look of disdain on my face, as I purchase my groceries. And I am obsessively smelling everything to make sure it's clean.

#3 - I go for a swim or to work out in my condo, not because I want to, but because I am paying for it (as part of my condo fees) and feel that I am getting ripped off if I don't use it. the only bonus to this is the fact that there is cable in the gym (individual TVs for all the cardio equipment).

I feel like I'm going crazy! Actually, I feel like I'm behaving as a crazy person would.

Don't worry no need to call - (well I guess I would be the person you called in these types of situations, wouldn't I?)
Ahh, Irony....what a melancholy friend.

I think the most interesting thing I have learned about myself, is that my financial situation is probably not nearly as dire as it appears to me. But because of where I've been and my feelings of going it alone, with no safety net - I feel almost paralyzed with fear - I don't want to, I can't screw this up!

Ok that being said, I just wanted to let you know about a couple of luxuries I feel forced to cut out of my life right now.

As much as I love shopping for and giving gifts, I will be limited to cards this year for Birthdays and Christmas, etc. I know this is a big year for a lot of us (turning 30 and all) - so I am sorry.

As much as I LOVE my birthday, I think the merry making will not be a part of the plan this year.

In other news - did you hear I got my own place? How cool is that? And the kitchen is crazy fabulous! And it's mine, all mine!

I'm in.....now what?!

As I write this I am sitting in my living room. Yes that's right, mine in my very own first place.
So here I am on an ottoman (one of 2 and my only pieces of furniture currently), staring off at the snow that my non cable receiving TV is emitting. I figure it's "white noise", and that's suppose to be a good thing.

I am running my dishwasher for the first time, and I have ice in my freezer and bottled water in my fridge.

My den is stacked with boxes, and I'm not really sure where anything is.

I am using somebody else's Internet signal (thank God - I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't have some sort of media!!)

I am about to spend my very first night in my new place.

And I am so excited. It feels like such a milestone in life.
Granted I always assumed that buying a home would be the sort of thing that I didn't do alone, it's a real pitch into the "grown-up" realm.

I am curious to see how I manage with only my own company, but I think it'll be a good learning experience for me.

That being said, please come visit - come over anytime and all the time - I HATE being alone :)
Just bring a lawn chair or a pillow or something, because chez Mira we recline Moroccan style (that's fancy for sit on the floor).

Ah, that's now, but just you wait, Mira's Party Palace will be fabulous before you know it.
Then you may have to book reservations 3 weeks in advance to come and visit.
(a girl can dream right?!)