I Can't Win for Trying

Have you ever been in a situation where no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try or how much you compromise, you just can't win?

And these situations are always the ones where each person you speak to about it gives you conflicting advice.  So you suck it up and try every single piece of advice you're given, to no avail.  And the most painful thing about all this advice is that everybody is so sure you just haven't been trying hard enough or doing it the right way.....all completely oblivious of just how hard you actually have been trying.

Well the other day someone said the most revolutionary thing to me.  "maybe you're trying too hard".  I don't think I've ever heard that phrase before.  It seems so completely counter-cultural.  Isn't our whole North American Society built on the tenet of success being a direct result of effort?  That your life is exactly what you've worked to make it?  If you are dissatisfied with your body, work at a diet and exercise plan.  If you are dissatisfied with your job, work harder to make it better. 

But somehow the words ressonated as sound to me.  I am so tired of trying, it's exhausting!  And trying is not getting me anywhere, which is so demotivating.  There should be a "never give up" prize!  It's hard to keep stepping up to bat when you strike out every single time!

So, I am officially done.  I'm not going to try anymore.
Here's the weird part, making this decision has been completely liberating.  I'm not sad, or feeling like a failure - I just feel free and lighter somehow.

Perspective

It's amazing how living a week in a poverty stricken area changes your perspective.  I spent all of last week on a Mission's Trip in Benton Harbor, Michigan.  In true American style this extreme poverty was side by side with opulence.  St. Joseph's, just a 2 minute drive across the bridge reminded me of Niagara-on-the-Lake.

Benton Harbor Vs. St. Joe's

Don't count them totally down and out though, they've got some pretty cool ministries and programs going on, like I'm Saving Myself.

Hardest week I've had in a while: outdoor work with no shade, all week - in an extreme heat warning. Cold showers, with a 3 minute time limit, not that it mattered, I would start sweating again before I had finished drying off.  Very very little sleep... which always makes things feel worse.

There were some awesome highlights too - getting to finish a house, and see our handiwork; swimming in the lake; the foot washing ceremony; Kilwin's ice cream; fireworks in the parking lot....and my biggest highlight - I got a Rap!  Yep, that's right, some of the kids were freestylin' - and Juan rapped about me :) Mostly that I had cool hair, and was wearing a pink shirt, but it was awesome!