I never claimed to have a lot of money, and in fact have always had to work very hard for my pennies.
So when your few pennies start shrinking at rate that is much higher that with which it can be replenished - well, let's just say that while my bank account is shrinking, the knots in my stomach are growing!
I'm not at a zero balance - thank the Lord - that might just up and give me a heart attack - but I am uncomfortable at the point to which it's dipped.
I know that I have made smart choices with my money. And that investing in real estate is always a scary leap, but a good one. That has not however had any effect on my body's sudden urge to liquefy all of my insides.
This struggle and ensuing digestive upset had lead me to a few insights about my feelings on financial matters. (Always the therapist, I can't help but psychoanalyze my habits).
Here's what I've learned:
#1 - I do not like credit. I have been advised numerous times to do one of those "buy now, pay later" jobs for some furniture - and I just wont do it. I figure I can live without furniture, so when I have some set aside for it, then I can have the luxury of furniture. Pay attention here, I just called furniture a luxury?!!
#2 - Things that used to be normal expenses for me now seem to be extravagant expenses. For example, I used to be a grocery store snob. I hated going to no frills or food basics for food - it felt dirty and gross. I used to not mind paying a little extra for Longo's or Michael-Angelo's - I felt I was getting my money's worth on good quality stuff. And while that basic tenet has not changed - now, I walk through Longo's and say "$2.69 for that juice?! What a rip off, I'm sure I can get it at No Frills for $1.99". So I walk through the No Frills with this look of disdain on my face, as I purchase my groceries. And I am obsessively smelling everything to make sure it's clean.
#3 - I go for a swim or to work out in my condo, not because I want to, but because I am paying for it (as part of my condo fees) and feel that I am getting ripped off if I don't use it. the only bonus to this is the fact that there is cable in the gym (individual TVs for all the cardio equipment).
I feel like I'm going crazy! Actually, I feel like I'm behaving as a crazy person would.
Don't worry no need to call - (well I guess I would be the person you called in these types of situations, wouldn't I?)
Ahh, Irony....what a melancholy friend.
I think the most interesting thing I have learned about myself, is that my financial situation is probably not nearly as dire as it appears to me. But because of where I've been and my feelings of going it alone, with no safety net - I feel almost paralyzed with fear - I don't want to, I can't screw this up!
Ok that being said, I just wanted to let you know about a couple of luxuries I feel forced to cut out of my life right now.
As much as I love shopping for and giving gifts, I will be limited to cards this year for Birthdays and Christmas, etc. I know this is a big year for a lot of us (turning 30 and all) - so I am sorry.
As much as I LOVE my birthday, I think the merry making will not be a part of the plan this year.
In other news - did you hear I got my own place? How cool is that? And the kitchen is crazy fabulous! And it's mine, all mine!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
I'm in.....now what?!
As I write this I am sitting in my living room. Yes that's right, mine in my very own first place.
So here I am on an ottoman (one of 2 and my only pieces of furniture currently), staring off at the snow that my non cable receiving TV is emitting. I figure it's "white noise", and that's suppose to be a good thing.
I am running my dishwasher for the first time, and I have ice in my freezer and bottled water in my fridge.
My den is stacked with boxes, and I'm not really sure where anything is.
I am using somebody else's Internet signal (thank God - I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't have some sort of media!!)
I am about to spend my very first night in my new place.
And I am so excited. It feels like such a milestone in life.
Granted I always assumed that buying a home would be the sort of thing that I didn't do alone, it's a real pitch into the "grown-up" realm.
I am curious to see how I manage with only my own company, but I think it'll be a good learning experience for me.
That being said, please come visit - come over anytime and all the time - I HATE being alone :)
Just bring a lawn chair or a pillow or something, because chez Mira we recline Moroccan style (that's fancy for sit on the floor).
Ah, that's now, but just you wait, Mira's Party Palace will be fabulous before you know it.
Then you may have to book reservations 3 weeks in advance to come and visit.
(a girl can dream right?!)
So here I am on an ottoman (one of 2 and my only pieces of furniture currently), staring off at the snow that my non cable receiving TV is emitting. I figure it's "white noise", and that's suppose to be a good thing.
I am running my dishwasher for the first time, and I have ice in my freezer and bottled water in my fridge.
My den is stacked with boxes, and I'm not really sure where anything is.
I am using somebody else's Internet signal (thank God - I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't have some sort of media!!)
I am about to spend my very first night in my new place.
And I am so excited. It feels like such a milestone in life.
Granted I always assumed that buying a home would be the sort of thing that I didn't do alone, it's a real pitch into the "grown-up" realm.
I am curious to see how I manage with only my own company, but I think it'll be a good learning experience for me.
That being said, please come visit - come over anytime and all the time - I HATE being alone :)
Just bring a lawn chair or a pillow or something, because chez Mira we recline Moroccan style (that's fancy for sit on the floor).
Ah, that's now, but just you wait, Mira's Party Palace will be fabulous before you know it.
Then you may have to book reservations 3 weeks in advance to come and visit.
(a girl can dream right?!)
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Ho Hum
And so it continues...
Life has been plodding along at it's usual pace with several enjoyable blips lately.
In June I got to be a part of Emma and Austin's Engagement - even though I was the only one who was in the dark as to what was going on. But as Emma said, at least one of us got to be surprised!
In July I bought a Condo - yes my first home, and attached "contract until death" roughly translated as a Mortgage.
I went to St. Jacob's for the first time.
I planted 3 seeds that have not died yet - FINALLY something that lives! Although I have had to bring them into the office for the extra support of 2 very green-thumbed co-workers.
Last night I had supremo seats to the Jays game - I won them @ work. Company seats are very nice. And we won 7-0!
In August I get to move in to my place.
And in between these flashes of joy, the everyday business of living continues.
I'm kind of making it sounds depressing.
It's not, it's mostly just boring.
And it always continues.......
Life has been plodding along at it's usual pace with several enjoyable blips lately.
In June I got to be a part of Emma and Austin's Engagement - even though I was the only one who was in the dark as to what was going on. But as Emma said, at least one of us got to be surprised!
In July I bought a Condo - yes my first home, and attached "contract until death" roughly translated as a Mortgage.
I went to St. Jacob's for the first time.
I planted 3 seeds that have not died yet - FINALLY something that lives! Although I have had to bring them into the office for the extra support of 2 very green-thumbed co-workers.
Last night I had supremo seats to the Jays game - I won them @ work. Company seats are very nice. And we won 7-0!
In August I get to move in to my place.
And in between these flashes of joy, the everyday business of living continues.
I'm kind of making it sounds depressing.
It's not, it's mostly just boring.
And it always continues.......
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Movie Love
Last night Rydra & I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
Never mind that it was opening week-end and we had to drive to 3 theaters to find a non sold-out show. And while we were trying for an 8pm show, the earliest one we caught started at 10:30pm. I won't even tell you what time I got home after a 3 hour movie.
On, and don't worry what I'm about to tell you is not a spoiler.
So the movie is mostly an action flick, but there are still some elements of romance in it - the whole story between Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan.
It's about 3/4 of the way through the movie and Will and Elizabeth are sharing a tender moment. And I kind of sighed (yeah, I'm a girl) and thought, "I just want somebody to love me like that."
And God spoke to me.
Don't worry not in a crazy audible hallucination sort of voice.
But in the still small voice after the wind.
He said, "I do!"
"I love you so much, I sent a part of myself, my son to you."
"I suffered and died a painful death, so that we could be together for all eternity"
"And I do it all, even when you don't reciprocate my love in any way, or even recognize it."
And I started to cry.
So I was the only idiot crying in Pirates of the Caribbean. Good thing that theater is pitch black.
But I was also so fully aware of just how loved I am.
Loved completely, unconditionally, and based on no actions of my own.
Loved beyond all measure, and for all eternity.
So I think how God loves me and you gives Will Turner more than just a run for his money (ignoring the fact that he's a fictional character in a fantasy movie).
And it's very cool to know that I am loved more amazingly than any writer could ever conceptualize or any movie maker could ever bring to a screen.
I am loved! God freely gives me His love every day, despite the fact that I have done nothing to earn or deserve it.
I have been feeling all warm and fuzzy ever since I remembered that yesterday.
Never mind that it was opening week-end and we had to drive to 3 theaters to find a non sold-out show. And while we were trying for an 8pm show, the earliest one we caught started at 10:30pm. I won't even tell you what time I got home after a 3 hour movie.
On, and don't worry what I'm about to tell you is not a spoiler.
So the movie is mostly an action flick, but there are still some elements of romance in it - the whole story between Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan.
It's about 3/4 of the way through the movie and Will and Elizabeth are sharing a tender moment. And I kind of sighed (yeah, I'm a girl) and thought, "I just want somebody to love me like that."
And God spoke to me.
Don't worry not in a crazy audible hallucination sort of voice.
But in the still small voice after the wind.
He said, "I do!"
"I love you so much, I sent a part of myself, my son to you."
"I suffered and died a painful death, so that we could be together for all eternity"
"And I do it all, even when you don't reciprocate my love in any way, or even recognize it."
And I started to cry.
So I was the only idiot crying in Pirates of the Caribbean. Good thing that theater is pitch black.
But I was also so fully aware of just how loved I am.
Loved completely, unconditionally, and based on no actions of my own.
Loved beyond all measure, and for all eternity.
So I think how God loves me and you gives Will Turner more than just a run for his money (ignoring the fact that he's a fictional character in a fantasy movie).
And it's very cool to know that I am loved more amazingly than any writer could ever conceptualize or any movie maker could ever bring to a screen.
I am loved! God freely gives me His love every day, despite the fact that I have done nothing to earn or deserve it.
I have been feeling all warm and fuzzy ever since I remembered that yesterday.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
My Haircut
I am going to get my haircut today. My appointment is right after work.
Now I know what you're thinking - big deal.
But it is a big deal for me - it probably is for most people with my kind of hair.
So my crazy, kinky curls need specialized attention.
My usual experience at the hair salon includes a stylist raving about my curls - giving me a BAD cut, poofing my hair out to all eternity and charging me a month's wages for the debacle!
When I was younger I used to go home in tears every time. My Mom would let me cry a little, wash my hair again and then do her best to tame the beast.
Because of this repetitive trauma, I do my best to avoid getting my hair cut. I usually save-up all the money I get on my birthday and get my cut around that time.
The last time I got my hair cut was in January - it was on a whim. That's your first indicator of disaster. I walked into this salon and innocently enquired as to the cost. I was talked into a colour and cut by the stylist who swore up and down that he had experience with curly hair.
The colour job was awesome - the lady matched my own hair so perfectly that some people didn't even notice that I got rid of my blonde highlights, and almost 6 months later, I have no visible roots.
The cut however was another story. So the guy tells me he's going to give me "the Rat cut" - which is suppose to be state of the art. And promised not to take a lot of the length (if you know anything about how curly hair shrinks, you know how important the length issue is) So he takes my hair, divides it into sections and starts twisting them around his fingers and cuts up the length of the hair.
Yep - UP the length of the hair.
So I ended up with these insane layers that looked like antenna poking out of my head at weird angles all the way around.
Then he brushed it out (again if you know anything about curly hair, this is where you would utter a horrified gasp) and sent me on my merry way.
So 3 hours later, I'm sitting at my friend's house, and my hair has added about 3 inches to my height and about as much to my width as well! Don't forget the unusual alien antenna halo to finish off the look.
So suffice it to say, getting my haircut is a big deal.
Another weird thing I have noticed about when I gear-up to get my haircut (because it does take some psychological prepping) I start to fall in love with my hair, or get lots of compliments on it or something like that.
Take Today for example. In the interests of trying to get the best haircut, I styled my hair and left it down. I read in a magazine that you need to show a stylist your hair as you want to wear it - so they can get an idea for the look, feel and texture of it before getting to work. Usually by the time I get to the salon my hair has been in a bun all week. So Today, I left my hair down, and 5 people have complimented me on it today. Seriously 5 people!
I wonder if psychologically I am just noticing it more, to deter myself from getting the haircut? But then that backfires on me because I still get the haircut, but I have a falsely positive view of my hair before the cut which only increases the margin of disappointment.
Maybe it's just part of the whole "Change is hard for people" phenomenon.
I'll have to keep you posted as to my post haircut experience.
Now I know what you're thinking - big deal.
But it is a big deal for me - it probably is for most people with my kind of hair.
So my crazy, kinky curls need specialized attention.
My usual experience at the hair salon includes a stylist raving about my curls - giving me a BAD cut, poofing my hair out to all eternity and charging me a month's wages for the debacle!
When I was younger I used to go home in tears every time. My Mom would let me cry a little, wash my hair again and then do her best to tame the beast.
Because of this repetitive trauma, I do my best to avoid getting my hair cut. I usually save-up all the money I get on my birthday and get my cut around that time.
The last time I got my hair cut was in January - it was on a whim. That's your first indicator of disaster. I walked into this salon and innocently enquired as to the cost. I was talked into a colour and cut by the stylist who swore up and down that he had experience with curly hair.
The colour job was awesome - the lady matched my own hair so perfectly that some people didn't even notice that I got rid of my blonde highlights, and almost 6 months later, I have no visible roots.
The cut however was another story. So the guy tells me he's going to give me "the Rat cut" - which is suppose to be state of the art. And promised not to take a lot of the length (if you know anything about how curly hair shrinks, you know how important the length issue is) So he takes my hair, divides it into sections and starts twisting them around his fingers and cuts up the length of the hair.
Yep - UP the length of the hair.
So I ended up with these insane layers that looked like antenna poking out of my head at weird angles all the way around.
Then he brushed it out (again if you know anything about curly hair, this is where you would utter a horrified gasp) and sent me on my merry way.
So 3 hours later, I'm sitting at my friend's house, and my hair has added about 3 inches to my height and about as much to my width as well! Don't forget the unusual alien antenna halo to finish off the look.
So suffice it to say, getting my haircut is a big deal.
Another weird thing I have noticed about when I gear-up to get my haircut (because it does take some psychological prepping) I start to fall in love with my hair, or get lots of compliments on it or something like that.
Take Today for example. In the interests of trying to get the best haircut, I styled my hair and left it down. I read in a magazine that you need to show a stylist your hair as you want to wear it - so they can get an idea for the look, feel and texture of it before getting to work. Usually by the time I get to the salon my hair has been in a bun all week. So Today, I left my hair down, and 5 people have complimented me on it today. Seriously 5 people!
I wonder if psychologically I am just noticing it more, to deter myself from getting the haircut? But then that backfires on me because I still get the haircut, but I have a falsely positive view of my hair before the cut which only increases the margin of disappointment.
Maybe it's just part of the whole "Change is hard for people" phenomenon.
I'll have to keep you posted as to my post haircut experience.
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Catastrophizer rises again!
As many of you who read my blog know, my mother is a Catastrophzer.
To recap, a Catastrophizer is someone who turns every situation, every potential set back or problem into a catastrophe.
It's like the opposite of being on Prozac.
We're talking about someone who sees the possible worst in every situation.
My Mom has left on a trip, a pilgrimage to Jerusalem last Tuesday. And while she left us an itinerary, she left no contact numbers.
I thought this was impressive - even more so, was the fact that she hadn't called in since she left. Weird, but I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I figured she was just enjoying her time, and decided not to check-in.
Yesterday afternoon the phone rings:
"Hello"
"Hi, is this Mira?"
"Yes it is"
"Hi my Mom is your Mom's roommate on the trip to Israel and she asked me to call you to have you call her, here's the number..."
"Oh, ok, thanks"
"Listen, they're in the dining room right now, but she asked that you call her right away, so when you get through to the Hotel, ask for the dining room"
"Oh, ok, thanks"
So I do as I was asked and dutifully call the hotel dining room, interrupting the dinner of numerous guests.
And the staff finally gets my Mom on the phone.
"Hi Nana" (my nickname for her)
"Hi ya Habibti" (Arabic endearment)
"So how's your Trip?" - Now I should have known better than to just straight out ask this question, foolish me.
"Oh! You can not believe, I have a cold, I can barely lift my head off the pillow, I am taking Advil every day, it's terrible!"
"That's ok Mom, it's just a cold, take some medicine and enjoy the tours"
"Oh yes, well my roommate has some antibiotics, so I will take some from her, because this cold is just unbearable"
"What! Mom, you can't take somebody else's antibiotics - plus, it's just a cold"
"No, you don't understand, if I don't take the antibiotics, maybe I get Typhoid!"
"Mom, when's the last time you heard about someone getting Typhoid from a cold? anyways - have you been talking any pictures?"
"Well, nothing really, the cameras are no good, they don't encourage me to take pictures?"
"What are you talking about? You haven't taken any pictures?"
"No, I took 2 rolls full, but I'm just saying the cameras are no good, and the place is so much more beautiful than the pictures I am taking. Probably they will be ugly pictures!"
"Ok, so, so far you've complained to me about your health and your cameras, and it's cost me probably $30 to hear it, and now your dinner's cold - was there anything else you wanted to tell me about?" - Did I actually say that out loud? Have I succumbed to the Catastrophizer that runs in my blood, or am I simply shooting her with a dose of her own medicine.
Please Lord, let it be the latter!
"No, that's everything" - said so despondently, it almost sounds as if she's sad that she's not miserable about anything else!!
"Ok, well have a great time! Enjoy your experience!"
"Ok thanks, bye"
Even across an ocean, the Catastrophizing is strong with this one.
To recap, a Catastrophizer is someone who turns every situation, every potential set back or problem into a catastrophe.
It's like the opposite of being on Prozac.
We're talking about someone who sees the possible worst in every situation.
My Mom has left on a trip, a pilgrimage to Jerusalem last Tuesday. And while she left us an itinerary, she left no contact numbers.
I thought this was impressive - even more so, was the fact that she hadn't called in since she left. Weird, but I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I figured she was just enjoying her time, and decided not to check-in.
Yesterday afternoon the phone rings:
"Hello"
"Hi, is this Mira?"
"Yes it is"
"Hi my Mom is your Mom's roommate on the trip to Israel and she asked me to call you to have you call her, here's the number..."
"Oh, ok, thanks"
"Listen, they're in the dining room right now, but she asked that you call her right away, so when you get through to the Hotel, ask for the dining room"
"Oh, ok, thanks"
So I do as I was asked and dutifully call the hotel dining room, interrupting the dinner of numerous guests.
And the staff finally gets my Mom on the phone.
"Hi Nana" (my nickname for her)
"Hi ya Habibti" (Arabic endearment)
"So how's your Trip?" - Now I should have known better than to just straight out ask this question, foolish me.
"Oh! You can not believe, I have a cold, I can barely lift my head off the pillow, I am taking Advil every day, it's terrible!"
"That's ok Mom, it's just a cold, take some medicine and enjoy the tours"
"Oh yes, well my roommate has some antibiotics, so I will take some from her, because this cold is just unbearable"
"What! Mom, you can't take somebody else's antibiotics - plus, it's just a cold"
"No, you don't understand, if I don't take the antibiotics, maybe I get Typhoid!"
"Mom, when's the last time you heard about someone getting Typhoid from a cold? anyways - have you been talking any pictures?"
"Well, nothing really, the cameras are no good, they don't encourage me to take pictures?"
"What are you talking about? You haven't taken any pictures?"
"No, I took 2 rolls full, but I'm just saying the cameras are no good, and the place is so much more beautiful than the pictures I am taking. Probably they will be ugly pictures!"
"Ok, so, so far you've complained to me about your health and your cameras, and it's cost me probably $30 to hear it, and now your dinner's cold - was there anything else you wanted to tell me about?" - Did I actually say that out loud? Have I succumbed to the Catastrophizer that runs in my blood, or am I simply shooting her with a dose of her own medicine.
Please Lord, let it be the latter!
"No, that's everything" - said so despondently, it almost sounds as if she's sad that she's not miserable about anything else!!
"Ok, well have a great time! Enjoy your experience!"
"Ok thanks, bye"
Even across an ocean, the Catastrophizing is strong with this one.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Back to the Grind
Wow!! It takes little to no time to stumble back into the realities of life after a vacation.
One glorious week of no responsibilities, no cooking, no mandatory waking-up. Reading for pleasure always and only.
One 3 hour and 45 minute cramped flight back - and BOOM, life hits again, going full throttle.
Not that my life is bad, it's not at all, I mostly like my life. But sometimes I wish it would just sit in a bin waiting for me to choose it as opposed to flooding me.
It was like coming back to work today - after a week and a half off - my e-mail inbox was overloaded, and it took me most of my morning to go through it. It would have been nice if I could have only seen one e-mail, and asked for the next one when I was ready.
Or the fact that my Mom had been saving up everything she would normally talk to me about in the course of a week, and crammed it all into the first 2 hours of my being home.
Plus the laziness that a vacation breeds is not helping - I haven't finished unpacking yet.
And I haven't even been back for a full day, and magically I am already counting the hours until today is finished - working my way to the week-end.
So here's to Friday @ 4pm - 2 and a half days away and counting ...
One glorious week of no responsibilities, no cooking, no mandatory waking-up. Reading for pleasure always and only.
One 3 hour and 45 minute cramped flight back - and BOOM, life hits again, going full throttle.
Not that my life is bad, it's not at all, I mostly like my life. But sometimes I wish it would just sit in a bin waiting for me to choose it as opposed to flooding me.
It was like coming back to work today - after a week and a half off - my e-mail inbox was overloaded, and it took me most of my morning to go through it. It would have been nice if I could have only seen one e-mail, and asked for the next one when I was ready.
Or the fact that my Mom had been saving up everything she would normally talk to me about in the course of a week, and crammed it all into the first 2 hours of my being home.
Plus the laziness that a vacation breeds is not helping - I haven't finished unpacking yet.
And I haven't even been back for a full day, and magically I am already counting the hours until today is finished - working my way to the week-end.
So here's to Friday @ 4pm - 2 and a half days away and counting ...
Monday, April 09, 2007
The Golden Chisel of Opportunity
Lat night I had Easter dinner over at the Schnekenburgers - 'cause my family deserted me for a 5 hour church service, but we won't talk about that.
Also at Easter dinner were Austin and Emma. So we were all sitting around post-feast, in a bit of an overindulgence coma as a result of the amazing meal Joslyn had made. We got to talking about relationships, and more specifically hooking-up (how is it I always end up in weird conversations about relationships or sex or some other odd thing?).
We got to talking about what a good way to meet somebody else would be. And at one point in the conversation because of several things I had said Austin made the comment that I had ruled out any opportunities to meet anybody else. (I don't remember the exact words he said, but it was mostly to that effect).
So my response was as follows:
"No, no, don't misunderstand me , it's NOT like I'm over here in my block of ice and only the select few with the golden chisel of opportunity have a chance, that's not what I'm saying"
to which of course the ever witty and astute Austin replied "Come on Mir, if you're in a block of ice, that chisel is useless - gold is way to soft to work through that - it's gonna need a diamond tip or something - maybe a Hammer of Justice!"
(again, I'm sure I'm messing up the quotes just a little, but the essence shines through!)
We all had a great laugh about it last night, it was a super funny moment.
Now I've been home all day (called in sick this morning - I think the after effects of the overindulgence coma of last night) and I've been kind of really thinking about that conversation we had yesterday. I was having some difficulty articulating what I was thinking and what I felt.
I was talking about how I have a difficult time with any kind of singles thing where the focus is finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. I used Internet dating as an example. I just feel it's too focused for lack of a better word. Again, I am struggling to pin-point what I mean.
I also said that I don't like the idea of a stranger coming up to someone and saying something like "hey, can I give you my number?". In the conversation somewhere was also my belief that the men should be doing the chasing, and that I personally was not comfortable with being forward. I think that's where the whole - how are you suppose to meet him if he's not allowed to talk to you thing came up - which was the precursor to my golden chisel comment above.
Ok - so in my ponderings today, I think I can better express what it is that bothers me. I have a problem with being judged based on my appearance. Ok before getting into the details, let me put up a disclaimer - I am not suggesting that my beliefs are right, or that opposing or different views are wrong. I just want to tell you what I figured out I believe.
My issue has several aspects:
1. I have a deep routed belief that someone who makes a judgement like "I want to go out with you" based on your appearance - is only really interested in having sex with you, deep down.
2. I think that the best anyone has to offer should be more than just how they look.
3. I think that my inside is not accurately reflected by my outside - and I want to be valued for the things that I consider valuable like my smarts and my sense of humour and people friendliness. (then I started thinking if this is what all smart ugly people say or think because they can never be good looking) (don't worry, I don't think I'm ugly)
4. Which makes me secretly (well not so secretly anymore I guess) scared that if all I have to start with is how I look - nobody worthwhile is ever going to take the time to find out the stuff about me that I think is more important.
5. I definitely have a serious discomfort with blatant sexuality. As an adjunct, I fell uncomfortable with being "checked-out" or - well you know what I mean.
Whew!! Ok I know that's probably way more information than anybody wanted know about me - and to be honest maybe a little more than I wanted to know about myself. But I have this nasty habit of analyzing human behaviour - you'd think it was my job or something;)
So I blogged it to have record of it. So that I couldn't just have figured it out today, and then let it fade. The secret to learning something about yourself is figuring out if that knowledge encourages you to do something differently. Because it's the change in behaviour that changes your life. So I didn't want my thoughts from today to fade into nothing.
Also at Easter dinner were Austin and Emma. So we were all sitting around post-feast, in a bit of an overindulgence coma as a result of the amazing meal Joslyn had made. We got to talking about relationships, and more specifically hooking-up (how is it I always end up in weird conversations about relationships or sex or some other odd thing?).
We got to talking about what a good way to meet somebody else would be. And at one point in the conversation because of several things I had said Austin made the comment that I had ruled out any opportunities to meet anybody else. (I don't remember the exact words he said, but it was mostly to that effect).
So my response was as follows:
"No, no, don't misunderstand me , it's NOT like I'm over here in my block of ice and only the select few with the golden chisel of opportunity have a chance, that's not what I'm saying"
to which of course the ever witty and astute Austin replied "Come on Mir, if you're in a block of ice, that chisel is useless - gold is way to soft to work through that - it's gonna need a diamond tip or something - maybe a Hammer of Justice!"
(again, I'm sure I'm messing up the quotes just a little, but the essence shines through!)
We all had a great laugh about it last night, it was a super funny moment.
Now I've been home all day (called in sick this morning - I think the after effects of the overindulgence coma of last night) and I've been kind of really thinking about that conversation we had yesterday. I was having some difficulty articulating what I was thinking and what I felt.
I was talking about how I have a difficult time with any kind of singles thing where the focus is finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. I used Internet dating as an example. I just feel it's too focused for lack of a better word. Again, I am struggling to pin-point what I mean.
I also said that I don't like the idea of a stranger coming up to someone and saying something like "hey, can I give you my number?". In the conversation somewhere was also my belief that the men should be doing the chasing, and that I personally was not comfortable with being forward. I think that's where the whole - how are you suppose to meet him if he's not allowed to talk to you thing came up - which was the precursor to my golden chisel comment above.
Ok - so in my ponderings today, I think I can better express what it is that bothers me. I have a problem with being judged based on my appearance. Ok before getting into the details, let me put up a disclaimer - I am not suggesting that my beliefs are right, or that opposing or different views are wrong. I just want to tell you what I figured out I believe.
My issue has several aspects:
1. I have a deep routed belief that someone who makes a judgement like "I want to go out with you" based on your appearance - is only really interested in having sex with you, deep down.
2. I think that the best anyone has to offer should be more than just how they look.
3. I think that my inside is not accurately reflected by my outside - and I want to be valued for the things that I consider valuable like my smarts and my sense of humour and people friendliness. (then I started thinking if this is what all smart ugly people say or think because they can never be good looking) (don't worry, I don't think I'm ugly)
4. Which makes me secretly (well not so secretly anymore I guess) scared that if all I have to start with is how I look - nobody worthwhile is ever going to take the time to find out the stuff about me that I think is more important.
5. I definitely have a serious discomfort with blatant sexuality. As an adjunct, I fell uncomfortable with being "checked-out" or - well you know what I mean.
Whew!! Ok I know that's probably way more information than anybody wanted know about me - and to be honest maybe a little more than I wanted to know about myself. But I have this nasty habit of analyzing human behaviour - you'd think it was my job or something;)
So I blogged it to have record of it. So that I couldn't just have figured it out today, and then let it fade. The secret to learning something about yourself is figuring out if that knowledge encourages you to do something differently. Because it's the change in behaviour that changes your life. So I didn't want my thoughts from today to fade into nothing.
Monday, April 02, 2007
My recurring work dreams
Ugh!
It's been about 5 days now that I have not been sleeping well. Every night I wake-up a couple of times and I seem to be consistently thinking about work and even dreaming about work.
Now this may not seem to be a big deal to anyone else, but my typical pattern is that I have trouble falling asleep - because I'm a night-owl - but once I'm asleep - I am dead to the world. I don't remember dreaming, I don't get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom, nothing - and when it's time to wake-up it takes an army of angry Vikings to shake the sleep off me and get my butt out of bed.
I also NEVER remember my dreams - most nights it's like I just closed my eyes, when my AM alarm goes off.
So lately I haven't really remembered the details of all these work dreams - but I distinctly remember that they have all been about work. On Saturday morning, I work-up with a to do list for work, and had to remind myself that it's the week-end!
And every night I give myself a little pep-talk about this dreaming business - I say "Now Miriam, you have a rich life, with many good thing - you will not dream about work, there is more to your life than work!"
Yeah - so far it hasn't been working. I think actually I am probably at this point priming myself to dream about work - I have created a psychological association through Pavlovian conditioning. Mind you I'm not really sure what the reward is in my conditioning cycle.
So I am going to try and pick something to dream about instead - and give myself a pep-talk about that before bed every night and see what happens.
Hey do you think that if I dream about working out, then everyday I will somehow get a little more fit - and maybe wake-up with sore muscles? Because I am psychologically working out? That would be awesome!! But definitely sounds too good to be true.
Any ideas on what I should be trying to dream about?
It's been about 5 days now that I have not been sleeping well. Every night I wake-up a couple of times and I seem to be consistently thinking about work and even dreaming about work.
Now this may not seem to be a big deal to anyone else, but my typical pattern is that I have trouble falling asleep - because I'm a night-owl - but once I'm asleep - I am dead to the world. I don't remember dreaming, I don't get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom, nothing - and when it's time to wake-up it takes an army of angry Vikings to shake the sleep off me and get my butt out of bed.
I also NEVER remember my dreams - most nights it's like I just closed my eyes, when my AM alarm goes off.
So lately I haven't really remembered the details of all these work dreams - but I distinctly remember that they have all been about work. On Saturday morning, I work-up with a to do list for work, and had to remind myself that it's the week-end!
And every night I give myself a little pep-talk about this dreaming business - I say "Now Miriam, you have a rich life, with many good thing - you will not dream about work, there is more to your life than work!"
Yeah - so far it hasn't been working. I think actually I am probably at this point priming myself to dream about work - I have created a psychological association through Pavlovian conditioning. Mind you I'm not really sure what the reward is in my conditioning cycle.
So I am going to try and pick something to dream about instead - and give myself a pep-talk about that before bed every night and see what happens.
Hey do you think that if I dream about working out, then everyday I will somehow get a little more fit - and maybe wake-up with sore muscles? Because I am psychologically working out? That would be awesome!! But definitely sounds too good to be true.
Any ideas on what I should be trying to dream about?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Finally!!
Here are some pics of my finally completed Blanket in it's goal or ultimate purpose of my bed cover.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A Compendium of un-useless facts
For anybody who knows me, you know how much I love information.
My ambition is to have "She died knowing it all" inscribed on my tombstone - and for it to be the truth. (N.B. that does not make me a Know-it-all)
Flowing from that, it only makes sense that Trivial Pursuit is my favourite board game, and that I am lousy at not being the winner when I play.
While I am not usually a competitive person, there's just something about not "ruling the roost" in the knowledge of trivia domain.
I also got a cool book as a gift on my birthday. I have been very occupied with work and other endeavours and have been a slow reader later - but this book is hilarious - and right up my alley!
So the premise of this novel is a magazine editor who decided to read his way through the entire Encyclopedia Britannica.
The chapters are divided by alphabet - 26 chapters in all.
And here's the kicker, and the part that truly makes me a geek (which by the way the term originated in the circus - it referred to performers who would bite the heads off chickens).
I love learning the fact and trivia in this novel. By the way the definition of Geek is courtesy of Jeopardy.
For example did you know that Berserkers where fierce Norse warriors, who went into battle naked. Hence the term "going berserk" should actually include an element of nudity.
Or that Abalones (an oyster like sea creature) have 5 distinct orifices dedicated to excrement.
So I've only read up to chapter C - but I am so excited about all the new things I am going to learn.
Now the only problem is that these are not everyday conversation pieces of information. So be forewarned that my spewing of interesting but not immediately useful information may slightly increase in the near future.
My ambition is to have "She died knowing it all" inscribed on my tombstone - and for it to be the truth. (N.B. that does not make me a Know-it-all)
Flowing from that, it only makes sense that Trivial Pursuit is my favourite board game, and that I am lousy at not being the winner when I play.
While I am not usually a competitive person, there's just something about not "ruling the roost" in the knowledge of trivia domain.
I also got a cool book as a gift on my birthday. I have been very occupied with work and other endeavours and have been a slow reader later - but this book is hilarious - and right up my alley!
So the premise of this novel is a magazine editor who decided to read his way through the entire Encyclopedia Britannica.
The chapters are divided by alphabet - 26 chapters in all.
And here's the kicker, and the part that truly makes me a geek (which by the way the term originated in the circus - it referred to performers who would bite the heads off chickens).
I love learning the fact and trivia in this novel. By the way the definition of Geek is courtesy of Jeopardy.
For example did you know that Berserkers where fierce Norse warriors, who went into battle naked. Hence the term "going berserk" should actually include an element of nudity.
Or that Abalones (an oyster like sea creature) have 5 distinct orifices dedicated to excrement.
So I've only read up to chapter C - but I am so excited about all the new things I am going to learn.
Now the only problem is that these are not everyday conversation pieces of information. So be forewarned that my spewing of interesting but not immediately useful information may slightly increase in the near future.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Do I have Stupid Stamped on my Forehead?
Ok so Friday after work I went to the mall to buy a new coat.
I went into a store and found a pretty great coat, only the zipper was missing the piece that you hold on to to push or pull it. (sorry don't know what that little piece is called)
And that's where the Stupid-fest started. I felt like this sales lady just assumed that I must be the stupidest and most ignorant person alive, and kept making the same assumption over and over again.
Our conversation started something like this:
The zipper is broken on this coat
Oh, no you just need to go slowly, don't rush the zipper
No seriously, the zipper is broken
It's not broken, it works just fine, you only have to go slowly (she proceeds to zip up the jacket - of course she is having trouble because she has nothing to hold on to).
Ok, fine, this zipper is incomplete
There's nothing wrong with this zipper.
Listen, this is not the condition in which you received this coat, there is a piece of it missing.
No no no, there is no problem.
This is not how this zipper started out
the zipper is fine, it works.
So I give up this loosing battle with the lady. I decide to take another tactic:
Do you have another one of this coat? One with a complete zipper.
No sorry this is the last one.
Ok can you call around to other stores please to see if they might have one
Now the woman heaves this huge sigh, and take the coat over to the computer which we are both facing and scans the barcode.
She says to me "No there are no other stores that have this coat".
Now remember that I am facing the computer screen with her, and can see clearly that she is lying through her teeth.
"Actually your computer says that there is one in my size at Fairview, can you call there for me please?"
Another huge sigh, she pulls the catalog out from under her desk and proceeds to call Fairview (doing things as slowly as possible, and it's like I asked her to write up an international peace treaty or something).
She gets off the phone after about 4 minutes and turns to me and says "No sorry they don't have it".
"Your computer clearly says that they do"
"Well it's only updated once a day, so they may have sold it last night or early today"
Finally, she has said something that I will actually believe!
"So what am I going to do, the zipper is broken"
"No no, I told you it's not broken, you just have to go slowly, you can't rush a zipper".
Not this talk again!
I am unbelievably frustrated at this point, so I just exhale sharply and turn around to leave the store.
Now the woman calls out to me - "Maybe I could give you 10% off"
So of course I turn back around.
She takes the coat to ring it up and looks at the tag. Now this coat has already been discounted more than 50% - so she pauses and says "If I give you this discount I will get in trouble".
At this point I resist the urge to say "But the zipper is broken!" and just stare at her.
So she says to me "Ok, Ok I will give you the discount, just give me a second to figure out how I can scan it into the system so I don't get in trouble".
I respond with "Do whatever you've got to do".
In the end I did end up with my coat. But the whole ordeal had me thinking about just how stupid this woman was assuming I was. And how strictly she was sticking to that hypothesis despite the fact that I didn't reinforce her belief.
We were staring at the same zipper, the same computer screen, and yet she insisted on flat out lying to me, over and over again. Somehow magically believing that I would just say "oh, ok".
I went into a store and found a pretty great coat, only the zipper was missing the piece that you hold on to to push or pull it. (sorry don't know what that little piece is called)
And that's where the Stupid-fest started. I felt like this sales lady just assumed that I must be the stupidest and most ignorant person alive, and kept making the same assumption over and over again.
Our conversation started something like this:
The zipper is broken on this coat
Oh, no you just need to go slowly, don't rush the zipper
No seriously, the zipper is broken
It's not broken, it works just fine, you only have to go slowly (she proceeds to zip up the jacket - of course she is having trouble because she has nothing to hold on to).
Ok, fine, this zipper is incomplete
There's nothing wrong with this zipper.
Listen, this is not the condition in which you received this coat, there is a piece of it missing.
No no no, there is no problem.
This is not how this zipper started out
the zipper is fine, it works.
So I give up this loosing battle with the lady. I decide to take another tactic:
Do you have another one of this coat? One with a complete zipper.
No sorry this is the last one.
Ok can you call around to other stores please to see if they might have one
Now the woman heaves this huge sigh, and take the coat over to the computer which we are both facing and scans the barcode.
She says to me "No there are no other stores that have this coat".
Now remember that I am facing the computer screen with her, and can see clearly that she is lying through her teeth.
"Actually your computer says that there is one in my size at Fairview, can you call there for me please?"
Another huge sigh, she pulls the catalog out from under her desk and proceeds to call Fairview (doing things as slowly as possible, and it's like I asked her to write up an international peace treaty or something).
She gets off the phone after about 4 minutes and turns to me and says "No sorry they don't have it".
"Your computer clearly says that they do"
"Well it's only updated once a day, so they may have sold it last night or early today"
Finally, she has said something that I will actually believe!
"So what am I going to do, the zipper is broken"
"No no, I told you it's not broken, you just have to go slowly, you can't rush a zipper".
Not this talk again!
I am unbelievably frustrated at this point, so I just exhale sharply and turn around to leave the store.
Now the woman calls out to me - "Maybe I could give you 10% off"
So of course I turn back around.
She takes the coat to ring it up and looks at the tag. Now this coat has already been discounted more than 50% - so she pauses and says "If I give you this discount I will get in trouble".
At this point I resist the urge to say "But the zipper is broken!" and just stare at her.
So she says to me "Ok, Ok I will give you the discount, just give me a second to figure out how I can scan it into the system so I don't get in trouble".
I respond with "Do whatever you've got to do".
In the end I did end up with my coat. But the whole ordeal had me thinking about just how stupid this woman was assuming I was. And how strictly she was sticking to that hypothesis despite the fact that I didn't reinforce her belief.
We were staring at the same zipper, the same computer screen, and yet she insisted on flat out lying to me, over and over again. Somehow magically believing that I would just say "oh, ok".
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I don't like to share
Yesterday at work, one of the senior managers, a director actually asked if she could use my computer because hers was not working and she had to do something "time sensitive".
What, am I going to say No to a director - of course I let her, and I walked away to give her privacy. But then I had this weird dream last night that she was Internet gambling, and I'm the one who's going to get whacked with it.
It's true, I don't like to share.
I am an only child, I never had to learn how to share.
Actually I don't like to share is probably not very accurate. It's more like I don't like people messing with my stuff.
I don't always like lending things out, it stresses me. For example I lent my Friend Deanna my Season 10 of FRIENDS like 3 months ago, and I haven't seen her since. Every time I see the gap in my media library, I get the sweats a little.
I hate lending out one of my books or DVD only to get it back tattered, the spine broken, juice spilled on the pages, etc.
I had a friend once, she was suppose to be my best friend. I lent her a book, finally worked up the guts to ask for it back like 2 years later, and she actually laughed at me when I asked "Like I could find it now!" was her response.
I hate when my cousins are over in the summer - yep, like 6 or 7 extra people living in my house for like 3 months. They just come into my room and put a DVD into the player, don't put the old one back in the proper case, just leave stuff out on my bed. They used to never rewind videos either when they were finished with them. My perfume has all bee tried, and I know of course because the caps are all over the place, never put back on the bottles.
Whenever I would complain to my Mom, she told me I was bad at sharing because I grew up to be "selfish" as an only child.
But seriously - is it so hard to give me back my stuff in a timely manner in the condition you received it?!
And I wouldn't have said no to my cousins using my TV/DVD player, Perfume etc, I just wanted to be consulted first. You know, recognized as the owner of said stuff.
So please consider this my warning to you - please don't mess with my stuff. If you do I might just ......... politely and very apologetically ask you not to?
Maybe that's my problem!
What, am I going to say No to a director - of course I let her, and I walked away to give her privacy. But then I had this weird dream last night that she was Internet gambling, and I'm the one who's going to get whacked with it.
It's true, I don't like to share.
I am an only child, I never had to learn how to share.
Actually I don't like to share is probably not very accurate. It's more like I don't like people messing with my stuff.
I don't always like lending things out, it stresses me. For example I lent my Friend Deanna my Season 10 of FRIENDS like 3 months ago, and I haven't seen her since. Every time I see the gap in my media library, I get the sweats a little.
I hate lending out one of my books or DVD only to get it back tattered, the spine broken, juice spilled on the pages, etc.
I had a friend once, she was suppose to be my best friend. I lent her a book, finally worked up the guts to ask for it back like 2 years later, and she actually laughed at me when I asked "Like I could find it now!" was her response.
I hate when my cousins are over in the summer - yep, like 6 or 7 extra people living in my house for like 3 months. They just come into my room and put a DVD into the player, don't put the old one back in the proper case, just leave stuff out on my bed. They used to never rewind videos either when they were finished with them. My perfume has all bee tried, and I know of course because the caps are all over the place, never put back on the bottles.
Whenever I would complain to my Mom, she told me I was bad at sharing because I grew up to be "selfish" as an only child.
But seriously - is it so hard to give me back my stuff in a timely manner in the condition you received it?!
And I wouldn't have said no to my cousins using my TV/DVD player, Perfume etc, I just wanted to be consulted first. You know, recognized as the owner of said stuff.
So please consider this my warning to you - please don't mess with my stuff. If you do I might just ......... politely and very apologetically ask you not to?
Maybe that's my problem!
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Trouble with Boys
Ok I've got a beef.
I am going to make a general statement here, and in my experience it is 100% true (yep, 100%)
When a guy is not interested, instead of letting you know he's not interested, he wusses out and just doesn't call you back - even if he tells you he will call you.
I'm a nice girl, and I've been on dates where I do not click with the person I'm with, and I call them and tell then that we didn't click.
It's not rude or impolite, in fact I think it's very respectful.
Here's how the conversation usually goes:
Me: Hi
Guy: Hi
Me: I had a nice evening, and enjoyed meeting you last week/night/Wednesday/etc
Guy: yeah, me too
Me: I just didn't feel like we connected as I was hoping we would
Guy: uhhhhh
Me: But I did have a nice evening, thanks for lunch/dinner/movie/etc, and good luck with (whatever we talked about on the date)
Guy: yeah, thanks, you too
See, not so huge.
It's not like it's easy for me to make that call, but I figure it's the respectful thing to do.
So why the heck don't guys do that?? And if you're not going to call, for heaven's sake don't say you're going to call.
That's my beef.
I get it if you're not interested, and I'm ok with that (there's lots of times when I'm not interested either) , just tell me nicely.
I am going to make a general statement here, and in my experience it is 100% true (yep, 100%)
When a guy is not interested, instead of letting you know he's not interested, he wusses out and just doesn't call you back - even if he tells you he will call you.
I'm a nice girl, and I've been on dates where I do not click with the person I'm with, and I call them and tell then that we didn't click.
It's not rude or impolite, in fact I think it's very respectful.
Here's how the conversation usually goes:
Me: Hi
Guy: Hi
Me: I had a nice evening, and enjoyed meeting you last week/night/Wednesday/etc
Guy: yeah, me too
Me: I just didn't feel like we connected as I was hoping we would
Guy: uhhhhh
Me: But I did have a nice evening, thanks for lunch/dinner/movie/etc, and good luck with (whatever we talked about on the date)
Guy: yeah, thanks, you too
See, not so huge.
It's not like it's easy for me to make that call, but I figure it's the respectful thing to do.
So why the heck don't guys do that?? And if you're not going to call, for heaven's sake don't say you're going to call.
That's my beef.
I get it if you're not interested, and I'm ok with that (there's lots of times when I'm not interested either) , just tell me nicely.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its owncalled High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invokeForgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge andResentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.
** disclaimer, this is not my original work, someone sent it to me as a forward, and I wanted to share it. I don't know who the author is**
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its owncalled High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invokeForgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge andResentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.
** disclaimer, this is not my original work, someone sent it to me as a forward, and I wanted to share it. I don't know who the author is**
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Has anybody checked their vibration frequency recently?
So while drowning in work - relief is on the horizon, in a couple of weeks I hope.
I have surfaced for air on a couple of minute occasions.
And my, my what interesting tidbit my trips to the surface have brought.
First off I spent a week-end on a church retreat. My church joined with 2 other churches for a 20-somethings retreat. And while I may be on the upper end of 20-something, I'm still technically in my twenties, so I went.
So here are a couple of things I learned on this retreat (which by the way, I did enjoy):
1. I was born in a desert country and my body was made for HEAT! This freezing, every building heated by a measly fire is not an option for me. I was practically sitting in the fire, and I still managed to feel cold almost the entire week-end.
2. Christians get married ridiculously young. It seemed that almost everybody between the ages of 21 and 25 is either married or engaged. And here's my theory about that
- In my humble estimation, I think Christians get married young to circumvent pent up desire.
- because like 98% of Christians get married young, if you're over 25, Christian and unmarried, there is a REASON you are single. I realize that this theory paints me in a particularly unfavourable light (I am Christian, over 25 and single), but I stand by it.
3. Weird is never a synonym for endearing. While most people at the retreat were married or in a couple, the few REASONS were like beacons for the whole REASON theory (see #2 above). There was the cowboy-hat-guy (I don't know his name). He was just as eager to sit in the fire as I was, but while I would go early to get the closest seat, he would come late and squeeze himself on the ground by the mantle, asks me "schootch a little" and then I would sit squished for the entire session, while he spread out like he owned an acre of real-estate. Where does such a skinny guy get off taking up 3 times as much space as I do anyways?
4. You can never catch up on lost sleep. When I got home, I went to bed around 8pm, and somehow still don't feel fully recovered over a week later.
Following the Retreat the next Saturday, I went to my Running Clinic for the Nutrition talk. Well instead of nutrition, we learned about this thing called The Secret. Have you heard the Secret? Apparently it is a scientifically backed theory about the law of attraction. According to our speaker's explanation, we each attract what we put out there. And we put it out there based on the frequency that we are each vibrating. Hence, if we increase the frequency that we are vibrating, we then attract more positive things into our lives.
It's suppose to be on Oprah on Feb. 8th.
It sounded interesting enough to look into, I asked Mr. shaw about it - he sent me the link for it from Google Videos, but the picture is very grainy. I tried to watch it, but found the bad visual very distracting, I only got through like 2 minutes. Oh also, apparently each time you watch the video your body adjusts by increasing the basal frequency at which you're vibrating. So just watching is suppose to be a powerful boost.
I wonder if I could augment the frequency I'm vibrating at to scientifically vibrate the REASON right out of me?
I would not look forward to the experimentation process, but the results would be interesting.
I have surfaced for air on a couple of minute occasions.
And my, my what interesting tidbit my trips to the surface have brought.
First off I spent a week-end on a church retreat. My church joined with 2 other churches for a 20-somethings retreat. And while I may be on the upper end of 20-something, I'm still technically in my twenties, so I went.
So here are a couple of things I learned on this retreat (which by the way, I did enjoy):
1. I was born in a desert country and my body was made for HEAT! This freezing, every building heated by a measly fire is not an option for me. I was practically sitting in the fire, and I still managed to feel cold almost the entire week-end.
2. Christians get married ridiculously young. It seemed that almost everybody between the ages of 21 and 25 is either married or engaged. And here's my theory about that
- In my humble estimation, I think Christians get married young to circumvent pent up desire.
- because like 98% of Christians get married young, if you're over 25, Christian and unmarried, there is a REASON you are single. I realize that this theory paints me in a particularly unfavourable light (I am Christian, over 25 and single), but I stand by it.
3. Weird is never a synonym for endearing. While most people at the retreat were married or in a couple, the few REASONS were like beacons for the whole REASON theory (see #2 above). There was the cowboy-hat-guy (I don't know his name). He was just as eager to sit in the fire as I was, but while I would go early to get the closest seat, he would come late and squeeze himself on the ground by the mantle, asks me "schootch a little" and then I would sit squished for the entire session, while he spread out like he owned an acre of real-estate. Where does such a skinny guy get off taking up 3 times as much space as I do anyways?
4. You can never catch up on lost sleep. When I got home, I went to bed around 8pm, and somehow still don't feel fully recovered over a week later.
Following the Retreat the next Saturday, I went to my Running Clinic for the Nutrition talk. Well instead of nutrition, we learned about this thing called The Secret. Have you heard the Secret? Apparently it is a scientifically backed theory about the law of attraction. According to our speaker's explanation, we each attract what we put out there. And we put it out there based on the frequency that we are each vibrating. Hence, if we increase the frequency that we are vibrating, we then attract more positive things into our lives.
It's suppose to be on Oprah on Feb. 8th.
It sounded interesting enough to look into, I asked Mr. shaw about it - he sent me the link for it from Google Videos, but the picture is very grainy. I tried to watch it, but found the bad visual very distracting, I only got through like 2 minutes. Oh also, apparently each time you watch the video your body adjusts by increasing the basal frequency at which you're vibrating. So just watching is suppose to be a powerful boost.
I wonder if I could augment the frequency I'm vibrating at to scientifically vibrate the REASON right out of me?
I would not look forward to the experimentation process, but the results would be interesting.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Can't talk - working!
Is anybody else drowning in work these days?
No relief in sight?
If I have one more person walk past my desk or send me an e-mail that starts "Oh, by the way" I think I may actually start to spit nails - machine gun style with no concern for casualties!
SO I've been pseudo promoted at work. I call it a pseudo promotion because it hasn't officially happened yet - I'm still technically suppose to be doing what I have been doing up to this point (in reality I find myself trying to juggle 2 full time jobs instead).
It comes with a pay raise of $0 - yes you read that right, $0.
Possibility or a raise in April.
And magically once it was announced, what people seemed to hear was - everybody call ME all at once for absolutely anything and everything.
The fact that it's year end doesn't help - because it seems to be that everybody else is feeling the same sense of drowning in their TO DO lists.
Currently mine is about 3 months worth of stuff to do, that I somehow have to complete in a couple of weeks, while continuing to do my old job, and oh yeah, train my replacement. If I can't train my replacement fast enough, that's just the more time I spend in my old job.
Plus it's not like my home is a haven, and I come home to a peaceful place to regenerate. Remember my Mother the catastrophizer? Yeah, the daily ins and outs of that can be demanding.
So I've decided that I'm going to go on strike. Yep, that's right a Strike from my life. Anybody want to join me? While I can't physically go anywhere, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my new job (which by the way, I am actually excited about, it should be a great role for me)I plan on in my head floating on an inner tube in the middle of the ocean for the better part of most days. With the exception of eating , bathroom breaks, sleep and TV - that's where I'll be. We could turn my inner tube into a raft - I am a social person, and would prefer to do nothing with someone else than all by myself anyways.
No relief in sight?
If I have one more person walk past my desk or send me an e-mail that starts "Oh, by the way" I think I may actually start to spit nails - machine gun style with no concern for casualties!
SO I've been pseudo promoted at work. I call it a pseudo promotion because it hasn't officially happened yet - I'm still technically suppose to be doing what I have been doing up to this point (in reality I find myself trying to juggle 2 full time jobs instead).
It comes with a pay raise of $0 - yes you read that right, $0.
Possibility or a raise in April.
And magically once it was announced, what people seemed to hear was - everybody call ME all at once for absolutely anything and everything.
The fact that it's year end doesn't help - because it seems to be that everybody else is feeling the same sense of drowning in their TO DO lists.
Currently mine is about 3 months worth of stuff to do, that I somehow have to complete in a couple of weeks, while continuing to do my old job, and oh yeah, train my replacement. If I can't train my replacement fast enough, that's just the more time I spend in my old job.
Plus it's not like my home is a haven, and I come home to a peaceful place to regenerate. Remember my Mother the catastrophizer? Yeah, the daily ins and outs of that can be demanding.
So I've decided that I'm going to go on strike. Yep, that's right a Strike from my life. Anybody want to join me? While I can't physically go anywhere, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my new job (which by the way, I am actually excited about, it should be a great role for me)I plan on in my head floating on an inner tube in the middle of the ocean for the better part of most days. With the exception of eating , bathroom breaks, sleep and TV - that's where I'll be. We could turn my inner tube into a raft - I am a social person, and would prefer to do nothing with someone else than all by myself anyways.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The Sky is Falling!
DO you know anybody who is a catastrophizer?
You know what I mean, a person who makes mountains out of molehills.
My Mother is a catastrophizer to the nth degree.
Ever night before going to bed she is compelled to watch the weather forecast. And if the forecast is something like "tomorrow there is a 80% Probability of precipitation and we should receive about 3mm of rain". She interprets that as a storm of hurricane proportions and says "Ohhhhhhhhh, oh boy!" "What am I going to do tomorrow?"
"Why Mom, what's the matter?"
"There's going to be a storm tomorrow! I'm sure that the water on the ground will be so much that tires will spin and I will get water in the engine and the car will break. Then I will be late for work and will probably get fired. So then I will have no job and no money and no car, and no money to buy a new car, because my car broke from the rain".
**sigh, long slow exhale**
Or like for example when I put the first scratch on my new car. Yes, I put the first scratch on my own new car about a month after I got it. I did it with a snow shovel while shovelling the driveway. So I'm bummed about it and I tell my mom, and instead of giving me a soothing word "It's ok, just a small scratch, it was bound to get scratched eventually, no big deal" I get:
"Oh my God! What have you done! Now it will rust, probably tomorrow, then the rust will spread, and your entire car will fall apart, probably in a few years, maybe before you've finished paying it off!"
"Mom!! That's not helpful to me!"
"Oh, sorry, well maybe you could get it fixed. How much would that cost do you think? Probably more than the car cost you in the first place, so now you've paid double what your car is worth, but at least you'll still have a car."
Sometimes, when I'm in a very mischievous mood, I wonder what it would be like if I just fuelled the fire.
In my head the senario plays out like this:
"Mira, I think the sky is falling"
"Oh yeah Mom, didn't you know?"
"What? You know about this? Explain it to me!"
"Well, just like you said the sky is falling, scientists are predicting that the world is going to end next Thursday."
"Oh my, Thursday. What are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do, we just have to sit and wait to die"
"Well, if we're all going to die at once, then there's probably going to be a line-up at Heaven's gate, and what if I have to go to the bathroom! Then I'll loose my place, and have to wait even longer. I will probably end-up at the back of the line waiting to get into Heaven for all eternity!"
Poor Mom, for her the sky is always falling.
You know what I mean, a person who makes mountains out of molehills.
My Mother is a catastrophizer to the nth degree.
Ever night before going to bed she is compelled to watch the weather forecast. And if the forecast is something like "tomorrow there is a 80% Probability of precipitation and we should receive about 3mm of rain". She interprets that as a storm of hurricane proportions and says "Ohhhhhhhhh, oh boy!" "What am I going to do tomorrow?"
"Why Mom, what's the matter?"
"There's going to be a storm tomorrow! I'm sure that the water on the ground will be so much that tires will spin and I will get water in the engine and the car will break. Then I will be late for work and will probably get fired. So then I will have no job and no money and no car, and no money to buy a new car, because my car broke from the rain".
**sigh, long slow exhale**
Or like for example when I put the first scratch on my new car. Yes, I put the first scratch on my own new car about a month after I got it. I did it with a snow shovel while shovelling the driveway. So I'm bummed about it and I tell my mom, and instead of giving me a soothing word "It's ok, just a small scratch, it was bound to get scratched eventually, no big deal" I get:
"Oh my God! What have you done! Now it will rust, probably tomorrow, then the rust will spread, and your entire car will fall apart, probably in a few years, maybe before you've finished paying it off!"
"Mom!! That's not helpful to me!"
"Oh, sorry, well maybe you could get it fixed. How much would that cost do you think? Probably more than the car cost you in the first place, so now you've paid double what your car is worth, but at least you'll still have a car."
Sometimes, when I'm in a very mischievous mood, I wonder what it would be like if I just fuelled the fire.
In my head the senario plays out like this:
"Mira, I think the sky is falling"
"Oh yeah Mom, didn't you know?"
"What? You know about this? Explain it to me!"
"Well, just like you said the sky is falling, scientists are predicting that the world is going to end next Thursday."
"Oh my, Thursday. What are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do, we just have to sit and wait to die"
"Well, if we're all going to die at once, then there's probably going to be a line-up at Heaven's gate, and what if I have to go to the bathroom! Then I'll loose my place, and have to wait even longer. I will probably end-up at the back of the line waiting to get into Heaven for all eternity!"
Poor Mom, for her the sky is always falling.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I'm Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!
Ugh!! I am so sick!
I can't breath through my nose.
I probably look like a Neanderthal gulping for breath with my mouth open at all times.
I feel like the guy in the dristan commercials rummaging in his basement for a power drill to "help" with his congestion.
I got sent home from work yesterday. Yep, my first day back from a whole week off, and my manager let me talk for a whole 5 minutes and discussed me going home. I worked from home for the afternoon yesterday.
Too bad I was too sick to enjoy it. There is something to be said for working from home.
I have only been home for about a day and half, and I was still working yesterday.
Today, I am sick, restless and bored!
Everytime I think, well if I'm restless and bored, do something, I start moving, exhaust myself in about 10 minutes and have to take a nap.
This is ridiculous!
So I've resolved that what I need is a germ cleansing. I stripped my bed, flipped my mattress, and opened the window. I changed my PJ's, and am going to take the world's hottest shower.
I am smoking these germs out baby - because I am so sick of being sick! (It's been 2 days)
In my delirium, I imagine the germs laughing at me -
"poke her there, ha ha ha"
"wait, let's make her gasp for breath again!"
"This is so great, I love torturing people, we're never leaving!"
I bet they're green and bubbly shaped and wearing army helmets with names like Gleeba and Rhonon.
Plus there's a reason why people work during the day, because the TV sucks! The only thing on is soap operas and daytime talk shows. I don't care if your cousin is your uncle and the father of your baby!
Maybe daytime TV is a government conspiracy to keep unemployment rates down?
So I'm smoking the germs out because I refuse to stay home again tomorrow!
I can't breath through my nose.
I probably look like a Neanderthal gulping for breath with my mouth open at all times.
I feel like the guy in the dristan commercials rummaging in his basement for a power drill to "help" with his congestion.
I got sent home from work yesterday. Yep, my first day back from a whole week off, and my manager let me talk for a whole 5 minutes and discussed me going home. I worked from home for the afternoon yesterday.
Too bad I was too sick to enjoy it. There is something to be said for working from home.
I have only been home for about a day and half, and I was still working yesterday.
Today, I am sick, restless and bored!
Everytime I think, well if I'm restless and bored, do something, I start moving, exhaust myself in about 10 minutes and have to take a nap.
This is ridiculous!
So I've resolved that what I need is a germ cleansing. I stripped my bed, flipped my mattress, and opened the window. I changed my PJ's, and am going to take the world's hottest shower.
I am smoking these germs out baby - because I am so sick of being sick! (It's been 2 days)
In my delirium, I imagine the germs laughing at me -
"poke her there, ha ha ha"
"wait, let's make her gasp for breath again!"
"This is so great, I love torturing people, we're never leaving!"
I bet they're green and bubbly shaped and wearing army helmets with names like Gleeba and Rhonon.
Plus there's a reason why people work during the day, because the TV sucks! The only thing on is soap operas and daytime talk shows. I don't care if your cousin is your uncle and the father of your baby!
Maybe daytime TV is a government conspiracy to keep unemployment rates down?
So I'm smoking the germs out because I refuse to stay home again tomorrow!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Ah, How the body forgets - TRAITOR!
So this morning I went to my first day of clinic with the Running Room. As some of you may know, I joined the Running Room in May, and have been trying to learn to run ever since.
So I had just completed the 5K clinic in December, and miraculously actually managed to run 5k by the end of the clinic. My first and only 5k was on the very last clinic night,and it took me 37 minutes to complete (doing the usual 10:1 run/walk program). This was a huge accomplishment for me. Most of my clinic mates had been running 5K for a good 3 weeks, but I had never broken the 25 minute barrier.
So I decided to take the 5K clinic again, in the hopes of both improving my endurance and speed. My goal is to finish the clinic able to run 5K somewhere under 35 minutes.
So today being day 1, we start off nice and slow to ease back into things, 5:1 for a total of 20 minutes, that's all. I figured it would be this leisurely run, where I got to know the new people and I wouldn't break much of a sweat or have laboured breathing.
HA!! My traitorous body had other ideas. It has been 4 weeks since I last run, and magically it feels like my body forgot that I have ever used it to run in any shape or form in the past. I was the last person in the group of 11 - last again! I was huffing and puffing and kept calling out to the facilitator "How much longer?" on a 5 minutes interval! How wussy am I??!!!!!
Then we get back to the store, our run is complete, everybody else is smiling, stretching gently, while I'm beet red, puffing vigorously and almost doubled over trying to get some strength back. It was like I was secretly running a marathon, while they all went on a Sunday stroll.
So new goal, just get through the 5K clinic - try to actually run the time allotted each week.
So I had just completed the 5K clinic in December, and miraculously actually managed to run 5k by the end of the clinic. My first and only 5k was on the very last clinic night,and it took me 37 minutes to complete (doing the usual 10:1 run/walk program). This was a huge accomplishment for me. Most of my clinic mates had been running 5K for a good 3 weeks, but I had never broken the 25 minute barrier.
So I decided to take the 5K clinic again, in the hopes of both improving my endurance and speed. My goal is to finish the clinic able to run 5K somewhere under 35 minutes.
So today being day 1, we start off nice and slow to ease back into things, 5:1 for a total of 20 minutes, that's all. I figured it would be this leisurely run, where I got to know the new people and I wouldn't break much of a sweat or have laboured breathing.
HA!! My traitorous body had other ideas. It has been 4 weeks since I last run, and magically it feels like my body forgot that I have ever used it to run in any shape or form in the past. I was the last person in the group of 11 - last again! I was huffing and puffing and kept calling out to the facilitator "How much longer?" on a 5 minutes interval! How wussy am I??!!!!!
Then we get back to the store, our run is complete, everybody else is smiling, stretching gently, while I'm beet red, puffing vigorously and almost doubled over trying to get some strength back. It was like I was secretly running a marathon, while they all went on a Sunday stroll.
So new goal, just get through the 5K clinic - try to actually run the time allotted each week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)