I never claimed to have a lot of money, and in fact have always had to work very hard for my pennies.
So when your few pennies start shrinking at rate that is much higher that with which it can be replenished - well, let's just say that while my bank account is shrinking, the knots in my stomach are growing!
I'm not at a zero balance - thank the Lord - that might just up and give me a heart attack - but I am uncomfortable at the point to which it's dipped.
I know that I have made smart choices with my money. And that investing in real estate is always a scary leap, but a good one. That has not however had any effect on my body's sudden urge to liquefy all of my insides.
This struggle and ensuing digestive upset had lead me to a few insights about my feelings on financial matters. (Always the therapist, I can't help but psychoanalyze my habits).
Here's what I've learned:
#1 - I do not like credit. I have been advised numerous times to do one of those "buy now, pay later" jobs for some furniture - and I just wont do it. I figure I can live without furniture, so when I have some set aside for it, then I can have the luxury of furniture. Pay attention here, I just called furniture a luxury?!!
#2 - Things that used to be normal expenses for me now seem to be extravagant expenses. For example, I used to be a grocery store snob. I hated going to no frills or food basics for food - it felt dirty and gross. I used to not mind paying a little extra for Longo's or Michael-Angelo's - I felt I was getting my money's worth on good quality stuff. And while that basic tenet has not changed - now, I walk through Longo's and say "$2.69 for that juice?! What a rip off, I'm sure I can get it at No Frills for $1.99". So I walk through the No Frills with this look of disdain on my face, as I purchase my groceries. And I am obsessively smelling everything to make sure it's clean.
#3 - I go for a swim or to work out in my condo, not because I want to, but because I am paying for it (as part of my condo fees) and feel that I am getting ripped off if I don't use it. the only bonus to this is the fact that there is cable in the gym (individual TVs for all the cardio equipment).
I feel like I'm going crazy! Actually, I feel like I'm behaving as a crazy person would.
Don't worry no need to call - (well I guess I would be the person you called in these types of situations, wouldn't I?)
Ahh, Irony....what a melancholy friend.
I think the most interesting thing I have learned about myself, is that my financial situation is probably not nearly as dire as it appears to me. But because of where I've been and my feelings of going it alone, with no safety net - I feel almost paralyzed with fear - I don't want to, I can't screw this up!
Ok that being said, I just wanted to let you know about a couple of luxuries I feel forced to cut out of my life right now.
As much as I love shopping for and giving gifts, I will be limited to cards this year for Birthdays and Christmas, etc. I know this is a big year for a lot of us (turning 30 and all) - so I am sorry.
As much as I LOVE my birthday, I think the merry making will not be a part of the plan this year.
In other news - did you hear I got my own place? How cool is that? And the kitchen is crazy fabulous! And it's mine, all mine!
4 comments:
Mir -- you don't honestly believe that anybody *expects* prezzies from you for Christmas, do you? No need to apologize...I suspect money's going to be tight for the majority of "the gang" this year.
As far as your birthday's concerned, I'm not sure you get the concept: people get *you* things, it isn't the other way around. :)
I know it's silly to tell you not to fret, but things will work out just fine. You know that, right?
It's true, there are plenty of "start-up" costs to moving out on your own. You will settled down into a regular routine though and then you will find your pennies (albeit slowly) starting to collect again.
And like Leah said, we're all a little tight this year between paying for weddings and new homes and what not.
I understand tradition in China is to give other people stuff on your birthday. Good news is that we're not in China. :)
I absolutely understand how you feel, especially since I underwent the real estate dive last year. I often feel pressure because I hate debt ... in my mind, a mortgage will be the only debt I ever have. For example, I would only buy cars with cash. Consequently, if I don't have cash for something, I simply don't buy it. But because of my distate for debt, I work on a very aggressive mortgage payback schedule, which leaves me with very little margin. Not that I don't have some very good safety nets in place, but I don't count them because they don't draw on personal resources.
I also have a very narrow definition of what is a necessity. Consequently, you might notice I don't actually own that much, and my house is basically underfurnished (and a lot of what is there is a cheap mismash of stuff, or being stored by someone else). A mortgage consumes a huge amount of disposable income that I could otherwise save (or use to actually furnish a house). Also, I have cheap tastes, and a ridiculous sense of value.
On the plus side, anything you buy now you won't have to buy later, and your appliances aren't likely to up and die on you anytime soon.
As for groceries, I assure you that buying packaged food at Food Basics or No Frills is a lot cheaper, and just as good. Meat I find is decent as well. Fresh produce is hit or miss. You may want to find out when your local Food Basics/No Frills restocks their produce section, and go at that time to get the best picks.
I can't afford to pay cash for cars I want. :) Other than that though, I agree whole-heartedly with Austin. I've managed to avoid debt all these years by saving up for stuff before buying it, not buying it with money I don't have. In the end, you can get more stuff because you pay less for it. :)
I don't know who's suggesting to you that you get stuff using those "buy now, pay later" deals but the only way that makes sense is if you know right now that when the time comes to start paying, you will be able to pay in full before any interest accumulates. Otherwise, you end up paying a fortune!
If you can guarantee yourself that you can do that, then by all means go ahead and take advantage of the offer. If you get nice stuff now, and don't pay any extra for the privilege, then it's win-win all around.
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