I Can't Win for Trying

Have you ever been in a situation where no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try or how much you compromise, you just can't win?

And these situations are always the ones where each person you speak to about it gives you conflicting advice.  So you suck it up and try every single piece of advice you're given, to no avail.  And the most painful thing about all this advice is that everybody is so sure you just haven't been trying hard enough or doing it the right way.....all completely oblivious of just how hard you actually have been trying.

Well the other day someone said the most revolutionary thing to me.  "maybe you're trying too hard".  I don't think I've ever heard that phrase before.  It seems so completely counter-cultural.  Isn't our whole North American Society built on the tenet of success being a direct result of effort?  That your life is exactly what you've worked to make it?  If you are dissatisfied with your body, work at a diet and exercise plan.  If you are dissatisfied with your job, work harder to make it better. 

But somehow the words ressonated as sound to me.  I am so tired of trying, it's exhausting!  And trying is not getting me anywhere, which is so demotivating.  There should be a "never give up" prize!  It's hard to keep stepping up to bat when you strike out every single time!

So, I am officially done.  I'm not going to try anymore.
Here's the weird part, making this decision has been completely liberating.  I'm not sad, or feeling like a failure - I just feel free and lighter somehow.

The Best Laid Plans

I have always considered myself a very logical and rational person.  In fact I have prided myself on it.
I think my ideal state might actually be Vulcan.

I remember going to a funeral in support of a work colleague who's baby had died unexpectedly.  I was in the car with 3 other colleagues, and I said something to effect of "I think I am a cold person".  I was contemplating how I often find I am not as emotional or upset as a situation seems to warrant.  I actually have a little trick I employ to keep from crying - I do math in my head.  It's amazing how multiplication tables can stave off tears.

So this being my Modus Operendi - I have been a little taken aback this week as I have come to the  realization that I am ruled by my emotions just as much as the next guy, in a very surprising way.

I noticed how I allow the way I feel about something to drive me to believe that thing is true, and find "evidence" to support that feeling of truth. 

For example when I wake-up feeling like I look good today.  Somehow on those days my clothes fit a little bit looser, my teeth seem a little bit whiter, and my hair seems a little bit less unruly.  If I wake-up the very next day feeling unpretty - my clothes feel tight, I often say I feel like I look like a sausage stuffed into a casing on days like that.
In reality, it's unreasonable to believe that the girth of my figure or the whiteness of my teeth can perceptibly change from a single day to the very next day.  Now the frizz in my hair...that's a whole other story.

This holds true for more than just my appearance.  It somehow manages to effect my intelligence as well.  Do you ever have days when you just feel dumb.  On those days I somehow seem to loose a large percentage of my vocabulary, ability to do simple mathematical tasks like split a bill or figure out a tip, and blank out on trivia knowledge I would normally have at the tip of my tongue.

What I haven't yet put my finger on is what sparks my emotional condition on any given day.  Is it like a bowel movement, predicated on whatever I consumed emotionally 8 hours earlier?  Maybe it's all driven by whatever I dream about.  I never remember my dreams, so this possibility certainly makes it more difficult to control.  And there in lies the rub - because without understanding what sparks emotions, how can we work to drive different emotions.

I guess the real power lies in not changing your emotions, but acknowledging them, and behaving as if they weren't there.  Which bring us back full circle to the mertis of being Vulcan.

I used to be Opposed to Gay Marriage....

It's true.

Not because I was on some tyrannical rampage to eradicate the LGBT community, or out of some homophobic fear.  My opposition was never aligned to the limiting of human rights or civil liberties.

I had a hard time with sharing the word marriage. 

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine around the time when same-sex marriage became legal in Canada.  Probably not unlike how the recent political conversations around the same issue have brought it to the forefront for many Americans these days.  I said to my friend (I can't actually remember who it was I was speaking to) that I would have felt so much more comfortable if the government had chosen to call it something else.  I didn't actually have any issues with the mutual rights, respect or privileges, just the name.

I feel like marriage is a specific religiously defined and culturally adopted institution, but because it remains at it's core a spiritual union - I had a hard time sharing the name.

But the reality is that a percentage of the people who get married, heterosexual marriage - do not necessarily consider it a spiritual union.  I would guess it's a rather large percentage (but I am only guessing based on limited anecdotal information).  So we don't use the word marriage to mean what it was originally defined to mean.  Nobody's ever put a stink up about that.  I never complained or even considered it a problem when it was an opposite sex couple. 

So if we've adopted a relatively civil and non-religious definition of marriage, then what is the issue with once again changing or expanding that civil definition. 

Now before any of my religious friends jump in to disagree - consider that I am talking about a civil definition.  For those of us who recognize or engage marriage under it's religious definition, we do so in parallel with it's civil definition (hence a marriage license).  But not everyone who gets married embraces both definitions.  We've been making a logical thinking error - it's called the "Fallacy of Affirming the Consequent". 

Here's the sad part we have neglected to focus on.  In being exclusionary we've actually been oppressing others.  Where's the love in that?  In the Bible Jesus tell us that the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind: and love your neighbour as yourself."  If love is the greatest commandment - how is our deciding that one group of people (no matter what criteria we use to identify the "in group") should be treated better or deserve more rights than another.

Furthermore, we're all equally eternally damned up-front, because relationship with God, and eternal life is not something we have the ability to earn.  It's a gift freely given, and open to be received by all.  Once received, this gift does not equal to perfection or perfect living...and we all continue to struggle through this "mortal toil".

So again, I ask - what right do we have to condemn another?!?!

We live in a world where unspeakable atrocities occur daily.  Children are forced to kill others as soldiers, serve as prostitutes or slaves, die of diseases or starvation.  The majority of the world's population lives in poverty, with limited access to clean drinking water or food.  With no opportunities to be educated or build a better future.....

Imagine the world we could live in, if we choose to focus our energy, individually and collectively on speaking out against injustice and famine and other atrocities.  That conversation is what should be at the forefront these days..... 

The Time Warp

For those of you that know me well, you know that I am rarely on-time for anything.

This tends to bug a lot of people, quite a bit - as it is often seen as a lack of respect for the other person and the other person's time.

I know I say it a lot, but I genuinely and truly do not mean any disrespect, either consciously or subconsciously.

I've had several theories about why I am perpetually late, all of which I believe hold water:

#1 - I just try to squeeze way too much into a single day.  I have a hard time saying no, and I hate feeling like I'm passing up something worthwhile, fun or a chance to spend time with somebody -  so I almost always try to fit it all in.  Which ends up being too many things for the fixed hours in a day.

#2 - I grossly underestimate how long the transit time between locations will take me.  This sneaks up on me in 2 ways, it means I don't allot enough time to get somewhere, and then I am always surprised by traffic and travel time.

#3 - I have this waking-up issue, and sleep trumps about 99% of everything else in my life.  I would go hungry to get more sleep, and only get up to use the facilities if I find myself in physical pain.  So being somewhere in the mornings is always a tough act for me.  I hit snooze for a donkey's age, and then jump out of bed late before I even start getting ready.

#4 - My home often feels like a black hole from whence I can not easily escape.  I speculate that it's because I am rarely home, so if I am it must be because I am really tired.  There is something about my place that once inside leaving it again can take monumental effort, and the effort to get up and out takes considerable time which drives the mechanism of lateness even more.

Today, I noticed something that I think can safely be added to the reasons why I am so regularly late.  I think there is a rift in the space-time continuum that exists between my front door and my car door.
I swear it to be true.

Today, I was going out to visit some friends, and we had agreed on a meeting time of 1:30pm.  So I left my house at 1:13pm, I did check the digital clock on my stove.  When I got into the car and turned the ignition, the stereo clock indicated it was 1:23pm.  Now, while I was not timing my descent, I can say with certainty that I did not spend 10 minutes in transit from my front door to my car door.

I know the logical conclusion is that one of the clocks must be off - BUT, I set my stove clock to the TV guide, so that must be accurate. And I set my car stereo to the radio station (and actually I think it's 2 minutes behind, so there is actually a 12 minute lag in time to be accounted for).

I live on the second floor, and park in P@ - so that's 3 stories to descend, plus elevator wait time and let's say the 1 minute it takes to walk from the elevator to my car - that can't equal 12 minutes.

Something is not adding up here....

So the next time I'm late, please know that it's not my fault: between the black hole, rift in the space time continuum, my inability to accurately estimate travel time, and my zest for squeezing every last drop out of a day - it's a miracle I ever make it anywhere at all!

Created to Make a Difference

You might remember that early in September I took the Landmark Advanced Course (Blog post here).  The week-end contained several powerful epiphanies for me.  In Landmark language, I would say I uncovered several blind spots.

One of the most impactful pieces for me was about 2/3 of the way through - early on Sunday morning.  I came to the profound realization that I was created to make a difference.  I am meant to change the world.

Do you ever have moments where you mentally look around at the routine moment in a sea of routine moments and think - "there's gotta be more to life than this"?  I sometimes feel guilty for having this thought, because I actually have a really good life.   A friend of mine recently told me "you're living the life of Riley" and she's right.

So then what's the deal  with wanting more?

I have come to realize that I was created to make a difference, to change the world.  The wanting more is not as much about money or stuff (not that I would say no to those things) - but about impact.  Whether you believe that there's a divine reason (providence) that I am who I am and where I am, or if you call it serendipity or whatever else.  Whether you believe it's intentional or purposeful or not - that does not diminish the opportunity that exists here.

I am who I am and where I am right now - what am I gonna do with it.
I'm gonna do my best to make choices that make a difference, that might be the butterfly who starts the hurricane. 
I'm gonna be purposeful about it.  I was thinking about what that might look like, and I think sometimes it'll look like something out of a movie - like when we take the youth on a Mission's trip.  But most of the time, I think it'll look like everyday living.  Barely noticeable to the naked eye -  but if you look closely, there it is.

And I think the secret in approaching life from this lens is that when you're focused on being the instrument of change without expecting to directly experience the results -  there is little room for disappointment.

What is the truth? Does it matter?

As you may or may not know, I am recent graduate of the Landmark Forum and Landmark Advanced Course. Each course is a super intensive 13 hours a day 3 1/2 day marathon and sprint all at once.

Upon registering you are asked to identify at least one area or one thing that is not working in your life, so that you can have a focus to work on during the course.

Since completing both courses, I have come to some pretty fundamental realizations, that really shift my experience of life - in a positive way.

I walked in thinking there was some sort of fundamental block I was experiencing in my life which needed a little "psychological woo woo" (for lack of a better term) to open-up. That somehow there was something wrong with me and that's why these areas of my life weren't working. I mean come-on, honestly, you don't get to be 33 and single like the desert and walk away without thinking there must be something wrong with you.

So the truth is , there is no such thing as "psychological woo woo" - and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm human, and sometimes as humans we lock ourselves into ways of thinking and behaving that are not productive. We all do it, and to the extent that our rational is often not conscious, it's inescapable.

That being said, I was really challenged on many of the ways of being and thinking that I had embraced as true and right.
I walked out of the Forum at the end of June feeling super empowered, and sure that my life would be completely different moving forward. When the same issues, beliefs and struggles came-up - I never questioned the training, I started thinking that my experiences must be the TRUTH. and because they were true, it didn't matter how I framed them or thought about them. It was reasonable and logical to me that my situation kept reoccurring because it was reality. Which in turn validated me and my experiences.

I am attending a seminar series currently running on Tuesday nights, which is intended to help me take what I learned/experienced at the Forum, and put it into action in my life.

I had a really powerful realization this Tuesday.
I needed my situation to persist, because that made it truth. And if it was the truth, then I was not only validated, but justified in my complaints, etc... That was my payoff.

Here's the rub. My Advanced Course facilitator said this, but it had it's greatest impact on me as a statement as I replayed it in my memory on Tuesday evening.
"We don't really know the truth in our memory: at best we have an interpretation of the truth".
So there is no truth - sort of. And it really doesn't matter what the truth is...(I'm not talking about absolute or moral truth - breath out!) At the end of the day the best question to ask is - "is it working for me? Is this moving forward towards my goal(s)?" That matters more than
"Is this true?"

Maybe "matters more" is the wrong phasing, I think I mean "is more helpful".

So that's my revelation. I'm going to keep being me, and coming across/against the same issues and struggles from time to time. However, instead of asking is this true or saying this must be true, I'm going to ask "is this working for me?", "is this helping me to move forward towards my goal?".

I think eventually I'll stop coming across the same struggles, I'll start coming across new ones - and I think I'll be the better for it.

Be the Change

"Be the change you want to see in the world" is one of many power sound-bites provided to us by Gandhi. And it's power is really found in it's simplicity.

I have been at the CSTD annual conference for the bulk of this week. It's the major conference in the field of training in Canada. This is my second year in attendance, and I am so overwhelmed and excited by what I have had the opportunity to learn.

One of the underlying themes this year that I feel keeps cropping up (intentionally or otherwise) is about the power of informal learning. Informal learning is defined as learning that was not formally structured. A common example would be when I need to use a new functionality on my computer, and I may ask someone near me, or google my answer, and learn how to use this new functionality.

One of the things that keeps coming up to hit me in the head with what feels like the subtlety of an anvil is the notion of "stop trying to convince others of the value of your belief, just take action."

This is kind of a scary principle: don't worry about getting the buy in up front, use the momentum of your conviction to drive your behaviour. The idea being that you are modeling the behaviours you want to elicit in others, and thusly drawing them out.

The scaredy-cat inside me can't let go of the fear. The fear of non-conformity; the fear that my conviction was in fact not supported by reality, and I will fail; the fear of always being alone on my side of reality.

There's another little part of me that keeps pushing the line in the other direction. How much potential am I ignoring? Where is the value in turning a blind eye to the possibilities?

I've also heard the adage "The greatest rewards come from the the greatest risks".

At this stage in the process, I have no idea which way I am going to go. Actually to be more accurate, I have no ability to predict with any level of certainty which way I am going to sustain.

Until then, I'll be busy weeding through the newly acquired knowledge, old habits, road blocks and possibilities in my head.

Nature's Wonder

It's been quite a week for natural wonders - and somehow I just keep missing it all.

on Monday night, Jupiter was especially close to the earth - and won't be that close again until 2022.
So as is my usual when I hear about celestial phenomena, I wanted to check it out. And as usual again, my execution plan was less than perfect.

I got home around 10pm, and decided first to try and see if I could see anything from my balcony. Well, the answer to that is of course not! So then I walked over to the park by my place - still nothing. I could barely see the dipper, which is often quite visible form the night sky in my neck of the woods.

Sadly, I should have know that there is no way the light would have allowed me to see what I was looking for. The smarter plan would have been to drive a little ways out of the city, away from the lights - into a nice open field, and look up and enjoy.
But seriously, in what universe is that a realistic plan for a single woman in the middle of the night.

Last night I was driving home it was around 9:30pm. I was driving north on Yonge. It was very humid - I know because my curly hair acts as a very reliable barometer, it was about twice its normal volume. It was dry, not raining at all. And the sky in front of me kept lighting up. It wasn't the same as when you see a lightning bolt in the distance, it was as if someone was flicking lights on an off in the sky up ahead.
It was magnificent!
I have never seen anything like it.

Then, either it didn't storm by my house, or I was so completely passed out in sleep, that I had no experience of it. Today at work, most everyone was speaking of being woken by the storm, and watching it in fascination - I was completely oblivious.

These anecdotes make me wonder just how closely I come to so many other wonders in life, and yet they slip me by, either because I am oblivious to them, or as a result of poor planning, and minimal effort.

Is it almost April already?! How did that happen?

Do you ever get the impression that you are sometimes sleepwalking through your life?
Like you blinked and it's been almost 5 months since your last blog post?

Your everyday routines are so routine at this point that you can move through them on auto-pilot and not even mark the passage of time.

I guess that's been my life. I have this nagging feeling that I am glossing over some blips in the routine continuum, but they haven't bubbled up to the surface of my consciousness yet - so they remain unaccounted for.

The scary part is the thought that the rest of this year will continue this way, and before I know it, it'll be 2011, and then 2020, and then....well, you see the picture is somewhat grim.

Not grim in so much as I have a bad life, I have a great life! Grim in the realization that I keep forgetting to pause, smell the roses, celebrate. And because I don't pause, I don't remember. Life becomes one big blur of the everyday.

I have been away on business this week. It rained all day in Ottawa on Tuesday, and of course I had not packed an umbrella. Well my cabbie gave me his umbrella. And it wasn't a cheapie one either, it was a firefly brand, auto-release umbrella. That was such a kind hearted gesture. And if I hadn't just remembered it, it would have been lost in the semi-coma of my everyday living.

I successfully straightened my own hair with a flat-iron, and minus the minor burn I gave myself in the back of my head, I did a pretty good job.

I know they seem the piddliest of details. But if we don't stop to notice them, than what is life composed of? Periods of sleep in between semi-conscious automaton living?

I'll take the red pill - thanks Morpheus.

Popping the bubble

I have often been told that I am quite sheltered and live in a bit of a "bubble".
In all honesty I like my bubble - it's cozy and safe.

Well here's the thing I have noticed about people's perspectives. Because they have experienced some different aspects of life than I have, they feel everyone should experience these aspects.
but these experiences have not always or even often been positive for my peers - however they just don't like my being on the other side of the proverbial fence so to speak.

And I am kinda ok with having been sheltered from certain experiences and associated pains.

What I find unusual is if my bubble isn't hurting anyone, and it costs you nothing to support me in it, so why are some people so adamant about challenging me in it? It is my choice, and it's a choice I make rationally, without any impairment or infirmament to cloud my judgement.

So next time you see my bubble, maybe just give it a polish instead of trying to shatter it with a kick.

The Power of the Human Mind

I've heard rumors.
I've even heard testimonials.
But I have never before experienced it, and as such never before believed it for myself.

You can make something your reality, simply by willing it to be so.

For Example:

#1 - If you've ever heard me tell a story about the way that I run, you'll know that I am hands down the world's slowest runner - no hyperbole.

I run so slowly, that you could probably be walking backwards beside me and still have to slow your pace.

I also tire of running very quickly, despite years of practice. I have only managed to run 5K 4 times ever, even though I joined the 5K clinic @ the Running Room 4 times.

I used to run with some coworkers, and one used to always tell me I needed to just put my mind to it and it would happen. I never bought it. When I would say I was tired and would be about to stop, she would say "ok, just run to the fire hydrant" or some other landmark. When I would reach it, and again, be about to stop, she would say "no, I meant the next one".
And it mostly worked. But I always hit that point that no matter what she said, I just could not go on. And I never managed to run nearly as long or as far on my own.

#2 - I have very recently discovered that I can make up my mind not to feel something, and I just stop feeling it. I haven't figured out yet how to make up my mind to feel something that I don't.
But this was revolutionary for me. I just decided one day, that I was going to stop feeling A, and it held. I no longer feel A, and it's been about a month. Yay me! This is especially exciting to me because I find that emotions cloud objectivity. And so when I can remove my emotions, I can make a much better, much more rational decision.

Now if I could figure out how to feel where there is an absence of feeling that might come in handy as well: then I could add an emotional exclamation mark to my rational decisions.
There is much to be said for the fervor and commitment that is born of passion.

I guess it can't hurt to keep trying - so if you walk past me sometime and I look like Hiro Nakamura - I'm not trying to stop time, but rather add emotion.

Obsession

I am obsessed.
I can't escape it.
Every thing I say, do and see, I mould my perception of, to fit my obsession.

It's surprisingly common - and documented by attribution theory, sort of.

ok so Attribution theory tells us amongst other things, that we will always interpret our environments to match our beliefs and perceptions in order to avoid cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is psychologically discordant, and thus uncomfortable - so our psyche works pretty diligently to avoid it - sometimes by changing our beliefs, other times by discarding sensory information, and most commonly by trying to make our sensory information fit into our beliefs.

So let's take an example where you are interested in someone else. And you really really want them to be interested in you. You will interpret every word, every gesture, every action from this other person as a sign of their interest. We all do it, we even ask our friends to interpret in our favour..."then he said XYZ, but he said it this way...what do you think that means? Do you think it means he likes me too?" And as friends we support this fallacy "what else could it mean? He said it this way.....he would only have said it this way if he was actually interested..."

And we feed the obsession. We become obsessed with analyzing every last detail of every minute everything...and really at the core, it's a useless endeavour.

I am obsessed with several things - a couple of reality TV shows, a couple of not so reality TV shows, completing my daily TO DO list at work, and more.....

And everyday when I wake up, everything I say, do and see always serve to solidify my obsession.

I would feel trapped, except I am aware - and in the infamous words of the G.I. Joe " knowing is half the battle!"

This is NOT a Pitt Stop

Lately I have found myself in an oddly reflective frame of mind.

It's a good kind of reflection. Powerful, encouraging and motivating.


And true to form, God is coming at me from all directions to drive this new truth home.


So here's what's been going on:


#1 - I've started hanging out with an old friend again. It's been a while since we connected. She's a blast! I have been so invigorated by my interactions with her. She's the first person I have ever met who has actually thoroughly celebrated being single. Most people I know whether consciously or subconsciously treat being single as a pitt stop. A necessary but temporary state towards the goal.

And while I do want to get married and have a family of my own, I have caught her enthusiasm for "this is perfect for right now, and purposeful right now!"


So while I am a novice at living in the moment, and not worrying about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles of it's own (Matthew 6:34) - I am amazed at the effect my just starting out baby steps have had.



For example, my previous self, if I had met a guy that seemed nice, and cute, and interesting would probably would have started thinking about what we would be like in a relationship together, what our wedding would look like, and probably even what we would name our children.



The new and improved me, just thinks, cool, nice guy, cute and interesting. And that's it!



The old me would get uncomfortable when a stranger would smile at me - I'd think, who is this person, what do they want, and my future thinking brain would wander.


The new me, was walking to class last week, and a very very good looking guy smiled at me. So my live in the moment self smiled back.

It was nice.

It's not always easy, my brain is so used to being a future-thinking entity. Sometimes I have to push the future thinking back down. And sometimes it's ok to let the future thinker wander - it is an important part of somethings, just not EVERYTHING.

I am really enjoying the new and improved try-to-live-in-the-moment-most-of-the-time me.

Tell Someone you Love them today :)

Today has been a reminder of how life can be short and really suck sometimes.
I didn't really have a sucky day, just a lot of opportunities to observe life sucking.

For example my day started with me staying home from work - when my Teta (grandmother) work-up and found me in my room, she got very excited about having someone home with her. She actually did a little dance in front of my bedroom door (ask her and she'll deny it, but she did).
It was really cute, but mostly it got me thinking about how lonely and boring and long her days must feel home alone, all day, every day with nothing to do. Plus when the rest of the family gets home we all have other things to do, errands, dinner to make. My mom and my aunt both take a nap right after work - for at least 1 hour. I imagined what it would feel like to be starved for company all day, then people finally get here, just to choose sleep or something else over talking to me. Kinda Sucks.

Example # 2 - I was in an interview where I was given senarios that I was asked to put together some case conceptualization and treatment plans for as well as highlight challenges, and concerns. This is pretty standard in my field. The senarios were pretty convoluted, but I know that they are true to life situations. It made me sad to think of people who had suffered so much at the misguided hands of others (parents, teachers, etc) and are now struggling to be a functional part of society. Definitely Sucks.

Example # 3 - Driving home on WDCX (the Christian station out of Buffalo) they had a counselling call in show. BTW, the Therapist was excellent. I heard 2 people in the hour I was in the car (stupid highway lane reductions and exit closures). The first lady had been married for 6 years and her husband had not displayed any physical affection towards her through their entire marriage. The therapist coached caller on asking questions about his childhood. Even though she didn't say this to the caller, it was pretty clear her working hypothesis was that he is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The second guy was from a military family and was talking about how he was very rigid and structured (expects everyone in the house awake and beds made by 4am and stuff like that). Again she talked about his childhood (he came from a military family, no surprise there). The interesting part was when she asked him how it made him feel as a child - and he said "I hated it", and yet he was pulling those same things into his adulthood and for his children. Sucks for sure!

Anyway, bottom line is it also made me thing about how many great and awesome things we can have in life, despite the suckage - which manage to co-exists together. Plus we usually totally ignore the good stuff, 'cause our entire focus is spent on the suckage, the pain, the hurt, the anger. Still Sucks!

And then I started thinking about how much of a difference a small gesture would have made in each of my suck examples above.
What if I had gotten out of bed and had breakfast with my Teta?
What if the call-in lady's husband spontaneously held her hand, or kissed her forehead?
What if her husband had an adult he could trust when he was a child, who gave him a feeling of unconditional security and love?
What if call-in guy's Dad had hugged him, or played wrestling with him or let him sleep in on a Saturday?

Suddenly the Suck is shrinking.

So I would like to encourage you (yes you) to tell somebody whom you love that you love them today, give them a hug, smile.
Life is incomplete without these things.

Secrets and Not so secrets

So I went out last night with a good friend of mine and after dinner and a movie, we got to talking in the car as I was driving her home.

We ended up talking for a good hour I think, and the conversation was very good, and really intriguing. I feel this way mostly because it was reflective, existential in nature, and about a lot of stuff that I have actully been pondering myself for about a month now. Blame it on my upcoming Birthday (28 days and counting !!), but I always seem to get reflective this time of year.

Now here's the interesting part, in the course of our conversation, I decided to tell her about a recent experience I've had, that I haven't talked to anybody about. So of course it stared with the following disclamer "now I haven't told any body about this, so I would appreciate if you wouldn't say anything."
"Sure, I never do, but I would like to point out to you, that you always say that, then I hear somebody else talking about it"
"What, no!"
"yes, like that time you told me about XXX, the I hear YYY talking about XXX"
"I told YYY about XXX!! And then she told you?"
"Well it was me you and YYY in the car, and she was talking about it with you"
"OMG! I totally don't remember telling anybody about XXX, it's a pretty embarassing story."
"Yep, you did"

Unbelievable!! I'm a total blabbermouth about myself! I wonder what it is that shifts me from not talking to telling it all - with like no pause in the middle?

Now that I've had time to think about it, I think I've told several people about XXX.
Funny, then I must need to forget, like a self-preservation mechanism.

Well, if my life can offer any humor to yours, then I guess the information is worth sharing.
Imagine what life would be like if we could never find humour in difficult or embarassing situations, it would SUCK!