Git 'Er Done

August 30th.
Yes that's right, it's August 30th.
Two more sleeps and it's September 1st.

I always find it amazing that despite the fact that I graduated University a full 10 years ago, September remains an important milestone within the year.

There are several such milestones, most of which are somewhat individual for most of us. For me, there are the following ones:

#1 - my Birthday. This is a very important date for me (if you know me at all, you know this is almost an understatement). But it's also often a "take stock of your life, and what you have accomplished" time for me, which I often feel I fall short in, and leads to me being a little sad around this time. Ironically never because I am aging, but just because I feel inappropriately accomplished for my age.

#2 - Christmas. This is the holiday in which the fantasy me always imagines a Normal Rockwell-esque visa vie Martha Stewart gathering of a large group of people who are near and dear to my heart enjoying great food and drink. Accompanied by the allure of a gaggle of gifts beautifully wrapped under a lavishly decorated tree. The reality of which doesn't come close to comparing - or bear mention. But nevertheless, I do love the joviality of Christmas, I enjoy buying gifts for others, receiving gifts from others, and the meal my family of 4 shares every year. Not to mention the religious significance of the time of year.

#3 - September. Maybe it's because I'm a bit of a stationary junkie, and I love back to school shopping for this reason. Maybe it's the new crispness in the air, after weeks of sometimes stifling heat (if we're lucky). There is something about this time of year that makes me feel the need to plan, to keep an agenda, to set forth some new year's resolutions.

And so in that spirit, there are two key things (maybe 3) that I would love to accomplish maybe before my birthday, and most definitely before the new year. So I am marking them here, for some witnesses. Hold me to this, I know it's doable!

First - I would like to replace the stereo in my car. I would like one with an aux port, so I can plug my iPod straight in. I would like to not send it to a shop to have it done, but learn to do it myself (with some very needed, and very capable help of a few car guys). I am easily motivated for this one as my stereo just started skipping while playing CDs on my trip to Maine with my Dad a few weeks ago.

Second - I want to get my motorcycle licence. I have been wanting this for a reasonable amount of time now. To tell the truth, I have only been on a motorcycle once, it was in 1997, and it was AWESOME! I am not sure what the kernel of fear is that has kept me from taking action, but I think enough is enough - I have wanted this long enough, the desire is not going away, I need to just do it. I have no idea how to start, so tips and advice are welcome :) but I need to start looking into this.

Third - It would be great if I could buy a small chandelier for my dining area. This shouldn't be to hard, I just need to buy one I like (I already have an idea around that), and then get some help to install it.

Those are my cards out on the table. Hopefully making them public will help to hold me to them.

Demotivation

Ouf! I have been hit.
It's worse than the smart of a paintball at close range.
Motivation down!
Doesn't look like much can save it.....

Here's my situation:

I ordered some furniture from Costco online assuming it would be delivered fully assembled. It was not. So I got excited when I received them, and spend 5 hours assembling the first one. That's right, you just read 5 hours!
The instructions were so poor, that I ended up doing it wrong several times throughout the process. And my need to screw-in, and unscrew over and over and over again, managed to strip the wood, strip the screws. It's not pretty.
So I managed to get the one done, but have been pretty intimidated to do the other one. Plus stuff like that always goes better with 2 minds and 4 hands.

Then I asked a friend to help me put the other one together, and he said sure, but has been super busy and unavailable since I asked. Thankfully I was telling Matt and Leah about my frustrations, and Matt has offered to help me.

So that's one problem sorta fixed.

If only that were it.

So I also need lamps for my room to put on my new (hopefully soon to be assembled) night tables, because I have been reading by book lamp, and it's just not good for my eyes.

So I FINALLY make it out to IKEA today (I have been planning to go for 3 weeks). I bought the lamps I wanted, nice tall, thin ones so they don't take up too much space or overpower the room. I also bought 2 kinds of light bulbs (different wattage) to complete the package. So I get home, and happily tear into one of the lamps (for the one nightstand I actually have assembled and in place) - and would you believe that the light bulbs don't fit! They are somehow too big at the base.
I am so frustrated I am about a blink away from giving up on building/improving/ever leaving the house again.

ARGH!! I hate getting so close, but not being able to complete something properly.
And I hate asking for help, because I feel like it makes me look incompetent. So now I have had to ask for help twice for the build, and I will have to ask someone at least once about the light bulb issue.

And I remain nightstand-less and light-less.

my 100th Post

Wow! I have written and posted 100 times.

That is an accomplishment.

I don't post as often as I planned to.

And I'm not often as funny/ironical as I had hoped to be.

But it is cool to have this record.
So I thought it might be neat to reminisce about favourite posts - you know like how TV shows do flashback episodes of favourite or best moments.

This means I need your help - let me know which of my posts is one of your favourites.
For me I love the one where I explain how my mother is a catastrophizer - "The Sky is Falling"
That is my favourite post.

The Power of the Human Mind

I've heard rumors.
I've even heard testimonials.
But I have never before experienced it, and as such never before believed it for myself.

You can make something your reality, simply by willing it to be so.

For Example:

#1 - If you've ever heard me tell a story about the way that I run, you'll know that I am hands down the world's slowest runner - no hyperbole.

I run so slowly, that you could probably be walking backwards beside me and still have to slow your pace.

I also tire of running very quickly, despite years of practice. I have only managed to run 5K 4 times ever, even though I joined the 5K clinic @ the Running Room 4 times.

I used to run with some coworkers, and one used to always tell me I needed to just put my mind to it and it would happen. I never bought it. When I would say I was tired and would be about to stop, she would say "ok, just run to the fire hydrant" or some other landmark. When I would reach it, and again, be about to stop, she would say "no, I meant the next one".
And it mostly worked. But I always hit that point that no matter what she said, I just could not go on. And I never managed to run nearly as long or as far on my own.

#2 - I have very recently discovered that I can make up my mind not to feel something, and I just stop feeling it. I haven't figured out yet how to make up my mind to feel something that I don't.
But this was revolutionary for me. I just decided one day, that I was going to stop feeling A, and it held. I no longer feel A, and it's been about a month. Yay me! This is especially exciting to me because I find that emotions cloud objectivity. And so when I can remove my emotions, I can make a much better, much more rational decision.

Now if I could figure out how to feel where there is an absence of feeling that might come in handy as well: then I could add an emotional exclamation mark to my rational decisions.
There is much to be said for the fervor and commitment that is born of passion.

I guess it can't hurt to keep trying - so if you walk past me sometime and I look like Hiro Nakamura - I'm not trying to stop time, but rather add emotion.

Hidden Talent

If you're a girl you're very familiar with the ability to put a shirt on top of another shirt and then take the shirt underneath off. Without showing an inch of skin the entire time.

If you ask a girl how we learned to do so, we'll talk about gym class and modesty - truth is it's an expression of insecurity about the quality of our bodies underneath.
So we all learn to do it pretty early on, and we do it often, and perfect it while still pretty young.

Today I was at Canada's Wonderland, and I got a little chilly around 8:30pm, so I put my sweatshirt on. but then I found that because I had 2 T-Shirts on underneath, it was a little too hot. So I twisted and finagled, and managed to take my base layer T-Shirt off, under the other T-Shirt and Sweatshirt. And True to form, I do so without flashing an inch of skin.

Well I was impressed with my accomplishment - it's not easy taking a fitted T off under another slightly less fitted T. And so as we were leaving the concert area, I wondered about my ability to do accomplish a similar task with pants.

I was wearing my jean capris (they are loose, this has an effect). So I took my also very loose yoga pants out of my bag, and put them on on top of my jean capris. Well with twisting and hopping, and taking off of a shoe - I did it!

I was able to take off one pair of pants from underneath another pair of pants without flashing anybody.

Angela is my witness.

Admittedly I must have looked ridiculous, hopping around on one foot. And when I managed to get one leg off, and had to shove it back up over to the other leg to then come down and off - I had a few moments where I looked like I had an elephant crawling down my leg under my pants.

But a monumental accomplishment it remains, despite how foolish it may have looked.

I feel very accomplished and proud.

My Knitting Resolution

Ok - you can directly blame this on my friend Kevin (unbeknownst to him)- I have been reading his blog recently and he recently posted about what he calls "The November Resolution"

So thanks to Kevin I now have "The Knitting Resolution" - well I just borrowed the name form from him.

I consider myself still a fairly new knitter even though I've been doing it for about 6 years now.
I have analyzed myself (ah Physcian, heal thyself) and I figured out why I have completed very few projects. I am a results kind of girl, and when I can't see the results of my labour quickly enough, I get easily put off. Couple that with the 98% social me - while knitting is usually a solitary activity, you can see how I tend not to participate all the time.

I am continually surprised with just how social I am. Just last night, I was late for my running group, and started out alone to catch-up with them. I couldn't run more than 3 minutes at a time, I stopped to walk frequently, and I was ripping myself a new one with my negative self talk - it went something like this "you're pathetic, who did you think you were kidding, you can't run, you can barely walk for 4 minutes straight, look at you, huffing and puffing all out of breath, you've only been out a few minutes - you belong on a couch, lazy and fat forever, just accept it" It was truly awful, I don't think I've talked to myself like that before. Then I catch-up to my running group - actually they caught up to me, because they turned around halfway. And I ran the rest of the way back - we even raced for the last 6 minutes, no problem. It was like a Jeckle and Hyde experience.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled programming, I have this Afghan I've been working on - it's my first. I've made sweaters, scarves, hats, dishtowels, and baby booties before, but this is my first blanket.
So I started it January of 2005 - that's right 2005! Which means that this January it will be 2 years, and I'm only 1/3 of the way through.
So I decided last week that I will endeavour to work on my blanket every day, every SINGLE day until December 31st and hopefully I will be almost done by then.

So far it's been 8 days, and I've managed to work on it for 7 of them. I even brought my bundle to work today to get my quota in.

So you can call me on it - hopefully I'll have a blanket to show you in January - Hopefully.

Something to Look Forward to

So tonight is my Running Room practice night. Tonight we were working on maintaining the goal we set-up on Monday night. So it's my second run at this rate.
tonight our regular facilitator was not there and we had Sue leading our 5K clinic group. So it was Sue, myself and Nicole.
What you need to know about Sue is that she is a complete coach - happy, encouraging, energetic, enthusiastic.
So today Sue pushed me - HARD! The awesome part is that I did much more than I thought I could. I added a minute onto my time, which means I did a minute more that we did on Monday and were scheduled to do (Trust me a minute is HUGE for me!!)
And it was the fastest I have run to date. Which is also HUGE for me. Usually you could be walking backwards next to me, and you would probably still be moving faster than I run.
But tonight, you would have had to be walking super fast, maybe even jogging with me to keep up! YEAH!!!

Ok, that was actually the aside, what I wanted to tell you about was the conversation I had afterwards with a couple of the others in my clinic (they ran with a different group tonight).
I mentioned that my Birthday is coming up on Saturday and how I find Birthdays much more than New Year's make me re-evaluate my life and contemplative of my goals.
Anyways what they 3 of them told me (they had a consensus) is that your forties are the best years of your life.
You have more money, you're sure of who you are, you know what you want and you can do it.

Phew! It was such a refreshing conversation. I have spent most of my life with people telling me that the years I'm living are the best years of my life. And that hasn't been my experience. Not that they're horrible years or anything, but my twenties have been spent trying to get myself to my future - whether it be school or a career or relationships - always trying to work out the future, sacrificing the now for the to come.
So it's good to know that there is a to come, and that it can be enjoyed!

Here's to being in our forties, and finally getting to enjoy life - well maybe we can get some enjoyment in here and there before then, just a little ;)

I Hate Exercise - sort of!

Ok it's official - after an hour and a half today of sweating and contorting and getting nowhere, I have officially decided that I hate exercise.

I've been running now, to be more accurate, I should say I've been trying to run now for about 4 months.
That's 3 times a week for 4 months.
And I still huff and puff, run slower than most people can walk, and turn beet red and go crazy hot for like hours!! (I am NOT hyperbole-izing!)

I have decent rhythm, but everytime I take a ballet class or a pilates or stretching class - I'm watching my form in the mirrors (they're everywhere!) and I feel like an egg with arms and legs. No grace, no fluidity of movement - just this basal desire to survive!!

And yet, I get home, I take my shower, and magically I feel able to conquer the world - most days.

Hence the sort of.

I am waiting with baited breath for the day that I feel good while doing it - as opposed to after. It appears that that day will be a long time coming.

So until then - I hate exercise, sort of!