Can anybody find me, somebody to love.....

I have a confession. I have a random crush. A guy I met a few times as a work connection. He's smart, nice, quotes random facts, and looks like a librarian. check, check, check - everything I go for. And if I am totally honest, it's kinda fun to giggle about liking someone, like Junior High revisited. Today, the little fantasy happiness I had constructed in my head, was assaulted, and destroyed. It's a good thing. Sustained delusion are not good for the psyche....... But it's also kinda sad. Rejection no matter how imagined manages to still smart. (yes, I am totally aware that you can't actually be rejected by someone who has no idea that you giggle and blush when you think about him in your head) I read in a book somewhere that "rejection always leads to something better". Might be true - it's yet to be confirmed. But the author failed to mentioned that the path to better isn't necessarily always free of rocks or debris. I never realized my self-identity was so sensitive to rejection. Not really sure if it's just me, or if everybody else needs the same mental safety padding. Reminds me of the Golden Chisel of Opportunity conversation that was had 4 years back (wow! years! already!) and the cycle continues.....

Popping the bubble

I have often been told that I am quite sheltered and live in a bit of a "bubble".
In all honesty I like my bubble - it's cozy and safe.

Well here's the thing I have noticed about people's perspectives. Because they have experienced some different aspects of life than I have, they feel everyone should experience these aspects.
but these experiences have not always or even often been positive for my peers - however they just don't like my being on the other side of the proverbial fence so to speak.

And I am kinda ok with having been sheltered from certain experiences and associated pains.

What I find unusual is if my bubble isn't hurting anyone, and it costs you nothing to support me in it, so why are some people so adamant about challenging me in it? It is my choice, and it's a choice I make rationally, without any impairment or infirmament to cloud my judgement.

So next time you see my bubble, maybe just give it a polish instead of trying to shatter it with a kick.

The Friend Zone

Do you have any friends who just always seem to magically float from one relationship to another? You know the guy/gal who always seems to meet someone at the grocery store, or Tim Horton's, after about 2 weeks of being single. And somehow their 5 minute conversation with this incredibly cute member of the opposite sex, leads to a phone number exchange, and usually at least a few dates, if nothing else.

And then there are people like me (please God, don't let me be the only one!) We have no trouble talking to people of the opposite sex, and make friends quite easily. But somehow for that one person that we kinda like, we always seem to NOT turn into a potential love interest for them, but rather a best bud.

Somehow you go from imagining what your "new name" would sound like, to giving him advice about how to approach the person he's interested in. The advice giving smarts worse than road rash on your face with your salty sweat running down into it.

I know that I am very guarded about my interest in someone, and I wonder if most of the guys I've liked would even have a clue that I ever did. But still - how is it that this keeps happening to me?

I have developed a theory that every interaction with an available member of the opposite sex (assuming that is whom you are attracted to), begins with the potential for a more than just friends relationship. No matter how buried beneath the surface, and unbeknownst to your conscious mind - it's there. Now there seems to be a pivotal point where the potential shifts and you are firmly in the friend zone.

I don't know what tips the scales in the favour of the friend zone. I refuse to buy the line "you're just too good a catch" - that's a bunch of malarky. If you truly were that incredible a catch, shouldn't you be beating off suitors with a stick?! (but thanks for trying to stroke my battered Ego anyways)

And the timing is not fixed - it can take a moment, a day, a week or a month. I've personally never had it take more than a month, but that may be just me.

So many variables remain undisclosed. And the mystery of the friend zone remains.

Nothing I can do about it, until I figure it out I guess - until then, here's to my next "friend".

Grumble, Grumble

I need to complain!
That's my disclaimer - so turn away now if you're not in the mood for a minor rant.

I have had a crummy day - any single event would have been manageable but, it's the culmination of all of them that has pushed into this complaining mode!

Ok so let's start at the very beginning (If this were a good day, that would be the seguay into the Sound of Music song).

I got this very exciting "Progression Wake-up Alarm clock" for my birthday - not cheap and special ordered from the U.S.
The premise of this clock is that it wakes you up with simulated sunlight, aromatherapy and nature sounds. And this schmorgasboard is suppose to make you wake up naturally and easily.
I envisioned floating out of bed, fully rested and refreshed when the alarm went off.

So I set it up on Saturday, and it went off Sunday morning. The pre-set nature sound is "Songbirds" (there are 5 others). I woke-up Sunday morning thinking I was being attacked by birds at the window. Yesterday I swear I had a split-second where I thought they were pecking at my head (like a scene out of Hitchcock's The Birds).
So for this morning I reset the sound to "Ocean Waves".

Yeah, stupid alarm didn't do what it was suppose to - I hit the snooze for an hour, then spent 45 minutes in my usual sleep stupid state staring at the TV. I start work at 8am, I left the house at 8:05am.

Then, of course because I'm rushing, I get in the car, and start backing-up as I'm checking out my back window. I nearly run over my next door neighbour.
"OMG, I'm so sorry are you ok?"
"You nearly run me over"
"I am sooooooo sorry".
"It's alright", turns around, keeps walking, mumbling.
So now I'm worried about coming home to find my house TPed by my middle aged, unhappy, neighbour.

I get to work and the morning whizzes by - thankfully.
In the afternoon, I'm on a call and somehow my head is getting heavier, and heavier, my eyelids feel incredibly heavy, maybe I'll just put my head down and close my eyes for a minute - Ahhh, that's nice.
Wait a minute I'm at work, and on a call!!!
ABORT, ABORT - come on eyes OPEN! Listen to me darn it - head lift up.
Phew, that was really close!

Ok, so I finally get to go home, and I'm thinking - it's ok, I'll run tonight, I'll get pumped, have a good night's sleep and tomorrow it'll all be good.

I get ready for my run, leave the house at the usual time and - what the heck, has everybody and their brother decided to go on a leisurely drive tonight?
The streets are packed, after 20 minutes on the highway I finally have moved 1 exit, so I think "I better get off, maybe the roads are better than the highway".
Yeah, ummmmm the answer to that is no.

So 62 minutes later (yes, not the 20 minutes it usually takes me) - I arrive at the Running Room just as everyone is getting back from the run.

I get a call about 2 minutes later from my Family "Can you buy a pizza on your way home for supper?"
"Sure"
So I decide to get some Mamma's Pizza 'cause it's cool and gourmet, thin crust and they have a funky potato pizza (which tastes much better than it sounds).
Ok so 2 pizzas cost me $38 - That's crazy!!

Then I get home and I'm being reprimanded for spending so much money on Pizza. Ok forget the fact that they all sat home doing nothing, and that I paid for it with my own earned money, and didn't ask for any money from anyone else.
No "thank you", no "Wow! Awesome pizza, this is really different" - I got yelled at!

Ok, I'm done complaining - thanks for reading my grumblings.

The Woes of being Single

On Saturday we had a Pastor come over to visit to pray for my aunt who has been very sick for a couple of weeks.

So he comes in, sits down, looks straight at me and says "next time I come over, I don't need to see a new car, what I'd like to see is your groom".
To which I reply "yeah, me too!"

So then he starts grilling me on all the stuff I'm doing to find me a husband - I told him I faithfully take out my sandwich board and bell wandering the streets of the city nightly taking applications. (ok, I didn't actually say that, but I really was thinking it)

Then he starts making suggestions around finding someone "back home" - right, just what I need a mail-order husband.

I will let you imagine how wonderfully enhancing to my self-esteem this conversation was ('cause you know since nobody in this Country obviously wants me - well there's always the guys in other countries looking for immigration)

So finally he finishes his exposition and turns to my aunt to ask about her health. And I think Phew!
Ah poor naive me - to think it might have been over.

As he's leaving he turns to me and says "I'd like to give you a little more advice"
"you just need a little bit of diet and exercise, just a little ok? Do you exercise"
"Yes I do, I run 3 times a week actualy"
"oh, ok well then just a little bit of diet then. It's ok because you're tall, but just a little bit of diet". (heaven forbid if if I was short and fat there would be no hope for me, but since I'm tall and fat, some guy may just be willing to settle for me).

What was up with this guy???

I don't think he could have picked on anything else - unless he started telling me I was too smart and shouldn't have gotten all my degrees.

Well at least now I know what's standing in my way - me.

So here I sit in Starbucks, all wired up (woo hoo) and I'm scanning the room....
By the way, I'm still accepting applications ;)