I think I have finally figured out why I love birthdays so much.
A birthday is permission to celebrate someone, permission to be "cheesy" and sentimental, and tell someone "you're fabulous, and I love you".
For the second year in a row, I am absolutely flabbergasted by the wonderful sentiments people have expressed to me on my birthday.
People's kind words, generous hugs and big smiles have completely overwhelmed me, in a GREAT way!
I have documented every year about how the period of time leading up to my birthday is always a time of melancholy for me - where I evaluate what I have accomplished to date, and what I had expected myself to accomplish - and I always fall short. It makes me sad to get another year older because I feel so far behind.
But what I have been awakened to this year is - to have the love of the people in my life, and to be able to express how much we value each other: that is the greatest gift in life.
It's been under my nose in the Bible my whole life, but my full appreciation for it hit today:
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. "
1 Corinthians 13:1-5
Thanks for loving me.
Showing posts with label God sighting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God sighting. Show all posts
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, July 26, 2010
SERVE 2010
I think it was as early as last summer when Brent, the youth pastor @ my church started talking about taking the youth on a missions trip this summer.
In his usual Brent fashion, he slipped the idea of me attending in a sly drive-by statement "you should think about coming". That's all he said.
And I started mulling it over, pretty much right away.
You need to know that I have never in my life been on a Missions trip. I have never been any kind of athletic person, I never even learned how to ride a bike. My parents are academics, and I grew up learning to value my head, not my body so much.
Also, we have 4 male leaders for our kids, and only Angela and I for female leaders. So I kinda felt like it was important to go if I was able.
So, I did it, I requested the vacation, was approved, and bit the bullet and let Brent know that I was on-board. That's pretty much when the anxiety began. I was worried about everything.
I am not the best of long-distance drivers, cars and sunshine in combination make me sleepy, regardless of whether I am the driver or not. but I knew that I needed to do my share of the driving, what if it was too much for me?
We were taking a group of minors to a different country, that's a lot of responsibility. What if one of them got hurt, or homesick, or denied access at the border?
We were going to work. I don't know anything about fixing up a house, using tools (well, I know my different screwdriver heads, and how to use a hammer), anything "handyman"-ish. And I am suppose to lead a group of youths through work projects?!? What was I to do when they asked me a question, and I had no idea of the answer? When they looked to me for direction, and I had no idea what path to take?
What if I didn't have the stamina to work all day? What if i was a poor example?
That last one, was the most heavy on my heart. What if I was a poor example? That was part of my job as a leader right? To present a good example, to lead by working alongside. But what if I couldn't do it?
As if my fears were not active enough, we learned in February that as leaders we would be assigned a group of youths, not necessarily from our own group. So now I was doing this all with strangers! Our host team mentioned that there was a surplus of leaders this year, and so some groups would have 2 leaders instead of one. the letter implied that most leaders would not want this - I was the total opposite. I prayed fervently to be assigned another leader. Another person to share the burden and responsibility and hopefully be a SME (subject matter expert) on the work stuffs.
I didn't really tel anybody about all my worries, at first. As we got closer and closer to the date of departure, I couldn't help but release some of my thoughts. Nobody seemed to think it was a big deal. "don't worry, we'll figure it out", "you'll be fine". It was not as reassuring as I had hoped.
The same week, I was headed to Muskegon for Serve, I had a friend headed to Manitoulin Island in Manitoba for a missions trip as well. I remember sharing with her, and her words of reassurance, were the soothing balm I was seeking. She said, "it's not about all that stuff Miriam. Your job is only to surrender yourself to God. Don't worry about being a good leader or a good example. Just pray, constantly - and surrender yourself. Let God do the rest, he's got it covered." She had given me something I could do.
So bright and early on Saturday July 10th (way before my insides wake-up) I headed to the church in what felt like a beast of a van compared to my Mazda3, and our adventure began.
Brent had worked out a driving schedule (I am sure entirely to appease my concerns about my skills at long distance driving) - we packed the vans, and we were off. 9 youths, 5 leaders - armed with passports and border crossing letters for the minors, we ventured forth into an unexpected week of intense labour (ok this part was expected), banquet style food in US portion sizes, a jam-packed scheduled that ran 7am-11pm daily, being surrounded by others' gratitude, and fun.
We were told that Michigan is the second leading state in terms of poverty, and that Muskegon (the city we were in) was one of the poorest in the state.
It was intense, physically - completely exhausting. Every morning as the week progressed, it became harder and harder to get up. Not that waking-up is an easy thing for me to begin with.
We painted a laundromat for the homeless and low-income people of the community. We helped to prep and paint a little of a house that had been condemned by the government, we replaced old boards with new one on a bike trail, and put up snow fencing around sand dunes to protect against erosion. That was just what my team (5 awesome youths, whom I had never met before, from the US and Canada) worked on. There were a lot of other projects going as well (building wheelchair ramps for a couple of homes, building a shed for Habitat for Humanity, serving food from a Gleaner's truck, etc...)
God had granted me the second leader I had so fervently prayed for - with a twist. She was not set to arrive and join us until our last work-day. This was a gift from God absolutely. I had hurt my back quick seriously 2 weeks before leaving for Muskegon. I was left completely immobile for almost a week. It hurt so badly, I demanded x-rays from my family doctor because I thought I had fractured my pelvis. And remember that I was a labourer to begin with, so this added challenge of worrying about my back, and not being able to lift was a legitimate complication.
Our final day of work, was the snow fencing for the sand dunes. We had to carry heaving fencing and posts, plus a couple of post pounders up a steep series of stairs to begin the work. I think if I had been alone I may have actually cried in frustration at my inability to do the task. I couldn't even co-carry the fencing with someone else - I could only push it: which got it from the truck to the base of the stairs.
My co-leader was very familiar with hard work, she did such a great job of organizing the work, the youth , and even was able to carry an entire bale of fencing herself up the stairs. She literally saved the day.
There are so many things that happened this week in Muskegon. Many stories for many other days. Some will have your rolling with laughter, others will have you slowly breathing out to try and suppress tears. Overall, I hope it was life changing. Well actually it was, the question is will I rise to the occasion, and avoid falling into the life I had before.
And it has again reinforced my experience that in trying to be selfless and do something solely for the benefit and betterment of others, I can not avoid being moved and bettered myself.
In his usual Brent fashion, he slipped the idea of me attending in a sly drive-by statement "you should think about coming". That's all he said.
And I started mulling it over, pretty much right away.
You need to know that I have never in my life been on a Missions trip. I have never been any kind of athletic person, I never even learned how to ride a bike. My parents are academics, and I grew up learning to value my head, not my body so much.
Also, we have 4 male leaders for our kids, and only Angela and I for female leaders. So I kinda felt like it was important to go if I was able.
So, I did it, I requested the vacation, was approved, and bit the bullet and let Brent know that I was on-board. That's pretty much when the anxiety began. I was worried about everything.
I am not the best of long-distance drivers, cars and sunshine in combination make me sleepy, regardless of whether I am the driver or not. but I knew that I needed to do my share of the driving, what if it was too much for me?
We were taking a group of minors to a different country, that's a lot of responsibility. What if one of them got hurt, or homesick, or denied access at the border?
We were going to work. I don't know anything about fixing up a house, using tools (well, I know my different screwdriver heads, and how to use a hammer), anything "handyman"-ish. And I am suppose to lead a group of youths through work projects?!? What was I to do when they asked me a question, and I had no idea of the answer? When they looked to me for direction, and I had no idea what path to take?
What if I didn't have the stamina to work all day? What if i was a poor example?
That last one, was the most heavy on my heart. What if I was a poor example? That was part of my job as a leader right? To present a good example, to lead by working alongside. But what if I couldn't do it?
As if my fears were not active enough, we learned in February that as leaders we would be assigned a group of youths, not necessarily from our own group. So now I was doing this all with strangers! Our host team mentioned that there was a surplus of leaders this year, and so some groups would have 2 leaders instead of one. the letter implied that most leaders would not want this - I was the total opposite. I prayed fervently to be assigned another leader. Another person to share the burden and responsibility and hopefully be a SME (subject matter expert) on the work stuffs.
I didn't really tel anybody about all my worries, at first. As we got closer and closer to the date of departure, I couldn't help but release some of my thoughts. Nobody seemed to think it was a big deal. "don't worry, we'll figure it out", "you'll be fine". It was not as reassuring as I had hoped.
The same week, I was headed to Muskegon for Serve, I had a friend headed to Manitoulin Island in Manitoba for a missions trip as well. I remember sharing with her, and her words of reassurance, were the soothing balm I was seeking. She said, "it's not about all that stuff Miriam. Your job is only to surrender yourself to God. Don't worry about being a good leader or a good example. Just pray, constantly - and surrender yourself. Let God do the rest, he's got it covered." She had given me something I could do.
So bright and early on Saturday July 10th (way before my insides wake-up) I headed to the church in what felt like a beast of a van compared to my Mazda3, and our adventure began.
Brent had worked out a driving schedule (I am sure entirely to appease my concerns about my skills at long distance driving) - we packed the vans, and we were off. 9 youths, 5 leaders - armed with passports and border crossing letters for the minors, we ventured forth into an unexpected week of intense labour (ok this part was expected), banquet style food in US portion sizes, a jam-packed scheduled that ran 7am-11pm daily, being surrounded by others' gratitude, and fun.
We were told that Michigan is the second leading state in terms of poverty, and that Muskegon (the city we were in) was one of the poorest in the state.
It was intense, physically - completely exhausting. Every morning as the week progressed, it became harder and harder to get up. Not that waking-up is an easy thing for me to begin with.
We painted a laundromat for the homeless and low-income people of the community. We helped to prep and paint a little of a house that had been condemned by the government, we replaced old boards with new one on a bike trail, and put up snow fencing around sand dunes to protect against erosion. That was just what my team (5 awesome youths, whom I had never met before, from the US and Canada) worked on. There were a lot of other projects going as well (building wheelchair ramps for a couple of homes, building a shed for Habitat for Humanity, serving food from a Gleaner's truck, etc...)
God had granted me the second leader I had so fervently prayed for - with a twist. She was not set to arrive and join us until our last work-day. This was a gift from God absolutely. I had hurt my back quick seriously 2 weeks before leaving for Muskegon. I was left completely immobile for almost a week. It hurt so badly, I demanded x-rays from my family doctor because I thought I had fractured my pelvis. And remember that I was a labourer to begin with, so this added challenge of worrying about my back, and not being able to lift was a legitimate complication.
Our final day of work, was the snow fencing for the sand dunes. We had to carry heaving fencing and posts, plus a couple of post pounders up a steep series of stairs to begin the work. I think if I had been alone I may have actually cried in frustration at my inability to do the task. I couldn't even co-carry the fencing with someone else - I could only push it: which got it from the truck to the base of the stairs.
My co-leader was very familiar with hard work, she did such a great job of organizing the work, the youth , and even was able to carry an entire bale of fencing herself up the stairs. She literally saved the day.
There are so many things that happened this week in Muskegon. Many stories for many other days. Some will have your rolling with laughter, others will have you slowly breathing out to try and suppress tears. Overall, I hope it was life changing. Well actually it was, the question is will I rise to the occasion, and avoid falling into the life I had before.
And it has again reinforced my experience that in trying to be selfless and do something solely for the benefit and betterment of others, I can not avoid being moved and bettered myself.
Friday, April 17, 2009
This is NOT a Pitt Stop
Lately I have found myself in an oddly reflective frame of mind.
It's a good kind of reflection. Powerful, encouraging and motivating.
And true to form, God is coming at me from all directions to drive this new truth home.
So here's what's been going on:
#1 - I've started hanging out with an old friend again. It's been a while since we connected. She's a blast! I have been so invigorated by my interactions with her. She's the first person I have ever met who has actually thoroughly celebrated being single. Most people I know whether consciously or subconsciously treat being single as a pitt stop. A necessary but temporary state towards the goal.
And while I do want to get married and have a family of my own, I have caught her enthusiasm for "this is perfect for right now, and purposeful right now!"
So while I am a novice at living in the moment, and not worrying about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles of it's own (Matthew 6:34) - I am amazed at the effect my just starting out baby steps have had.
For example, my previous self, if I had met a guy that seemed nice, and cute, and interesting would probably would have started thinking about what we would be like in a relationship together, what our wedding would look like, and probably even what we would name our children.
The new and improved me, just thinks, cool, nice guy, cute and interesting. And that's it!
The old me would get uncomfortable when a stranger would smile at me - I'd think, who is this person, what do they want, and my future thinking brain would wander.
The new me, was walking to class last week, and a very very good looking guy smiled at me. So my live in the moment self smiled back.
It was nice.
It's not always easy, my brain is so used to being a future-thinking entity. Sometimes I have to push the future thinking back down. And sometimes it's ok to let the future thinker wander - it is an important part of somethings, just not EVERYTHING.
I am really enjoying the new and improved try-to-live-in-the-moment-most-of-the-time me.
It's a good kind of reflection. Powerful, encouraging and motivating.
And true to form, God is coming at me from all directions to drive this new truth home.
So here's what's been going on:
#1 - I've started hanging out with an old friend again. It's been a while since we connected. She's a blast! I have been so invigorated by my interactions with her. She's the first person I have ever met who has actually thoroughly celebrated being single. Most people I know whether consciously or subconsciously treat being single as a pitt stop. A necessary but temporary state towards the goal.
And while I do want to get married and have a family of my own, I have caught her enthusiasm for "this is perfect for right now, and purposeful right now!"
So while I am a novice at living in the moment, and not worrying about tomorrow, because today has enough troubles of it's own (Matthew 6:34) - I am amazed at the effect my just starting out baby steps have had.
For example, my previous self, if I had met a guy that seemed nice, and cute, and interesting would probably would have started thinking about what we would be like in a relationship together, what our wedding would look like, and probably even what we would name our children.
The new and improved me, just thinks, cool, nice guy, cute and interesting. And that's it!
The old me would get uncomfortable when a stranger would smile at me - I'd think, who is this person, what do they want, and my future thinking brain would wander.
The new me, was walking to class last week, and a very very good looking guy smiled at me. So my live in the moment self smiled back.
It was nice.
It's not always easy, my brain is so used to being a future-thinking entity. Sometimes I have to push the future thinking back down. And sometimes it's ok to let the future thinker wander - it is an important part of somethings, just not EVERYTHING.
I am really enjoying the new and improved try-to-live-in-the-moment-most-of-the-time me.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wow!! Nature's Awesome...
Yesterday I went on a guided nature hike through the Rouge Valley Conservation Area as a work event.
So 10km, and 3 hours later, all I can say is WOW!! It was spectacular! The river, the creek, the leaves, the trees, the hills, even the hill that used to be garbage was awesome looking.
We started out at the Pierce House Conservation Centre - across from the Zoo parking lot. (If you would be interested, every 2nd Sunday of the month, they offer a free guided hike for 2 hours starting at 1:30pm - I would be happy to go again).
I didn't expect that it would be 3 hours or 10km - it was not the leisurely afternoon I had envisioned, but rather a pretty intensive work-out. We had to go almost straight-up this one hill. The climb really did feel almost vertical - it took about 8 minutes to get to the top, and while I didn't stop (I was scared that if I did, I would never start again) a couple of people in our party took several 2 minute breaks on the way up.
So thighs burning with the lactic acid build-up (feels just as crappy as it sounds by the way), and amazingly huffing and wheezing (thank you Asthma) like I do when I run - I got to the top and turned around. I was speechless.
Before me was the rolling hills and valleys that you hear described in novels about the English countryside. But instead of just green grass with a couple of sheep here and there - it was littered with colour and texture. And not just the brown, red and yellow that you see in your neighbourhood - I'm talking about intense, high pigment colours - a bright, vibrant green, deep ochre red, burnt sunset orange, creamy yellow. At one point because of erosion, there was a tree (known as the hanging tree) which was at maybe a 35 degree angle - roots entirely exposed, but living strong. It was full of leaves, and each a beautiful pulsating red.
I didn't have the best shoes and my feet are all blistered today, my legs are sore, and I accidentally slept through my running clinic today (so I didn't make my run)- but it was absolutely worth it - I would go again tomorrow.
So 10km, and 3 hours later, all I can say is WOW!! It was spectacular! The river, the creek, the leaves, the trees, the hills, even the hill that used to be garbage was awesome looking.
We started out at the Pierce House Conservation Centre - across from the Zoo parking lot. (If you would be interested, every 2nd Sunday of the month, they offer a free guided hike for 2 hours starting at 1:30pm - I would be happy to go again).
I didn't expect that it would be 3 hours or 10km - it was not the leisurely afternoon I had envisioned, but rather a pretty intensive work-out. We had to go almost straight-up this one hill. The climb really did feel almost vertical - it took about 8 minutes to get to the top, and while I didn't stop (I was scared that if I did, I would never start again) a couple of people in our party took several 2 minute breaks on the way up.
So thighs burning with the lactic acid build-up (feels just as crappy as it sounds by the way), and amazingly huffing and wheezing (thank you Asthma) like I do when I run - I got to the top and turned around. I was speechless.
Before me was the rolling hills and valleys that you hear described in novels about the English countryside. But instead of just green grass with a couple of sheep here and there - it was littered with colour and texture. And not just the brown, red and yellow that you see in your neighbourhood - I'm talking about intense, high pigment colours - a bright, vibrant green, deep ochre red, burnt sunset orange, creamy yellow. At one point because of erosion, there was a tree (known as the hanging tree) which was at maybe a 35 degree angle - roots entirely exposed, but living strong. It was full of leaves, and each a beautiful pulsating red.
I didn't have the best shoes and my feet are all blistered today, my legs are sore, and I accidentally slept through my running clinic today (so I didn't make my run)- but it was absolutely worth it - I would go again tomorrow.
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